Monday, April 30, 2007

A Reflection on My Resentment

I spent a very enjoyable Saturday dancing at Union. A big thank you to all of you for all your encouragement. I had forgotten what it was like to completely lose yourself in a dance. Thank you for making it all come back again.

Right…now that my words have turned around and bitten me back hard in the ass, let me try to justify my previous posts and ill-feelings toward the dance. As usual, this is a very raw piece and isn’t censored very much. So please, try to read with an open mind.

As mentioned before, my problem with salsa is complicated. I have split up the following post in a number of sections for clarity. I do hope that you will be able to make it all the way to the end. :D


Apologies to those who don't salsa. I promise my next post will be abt something bitchy, entertaining and not about salsa.

~~~~

Last Saturday was almost magical. It's been so long since I was last able to just dance with wild abandon. To let my feet just move on their own without having to think of styling or shines or whatever...simply fantastic.

I think I managed to experience the true spirit of salsa on Saturday!!! :D

Truth be told, prior to last night, too much of my energy and time had been spent thinking about the technique of dancing. I'm just a stickler for such things. For me, once I decide to do something, then it must be done perfectly, or at least to the best of my ability. This applies for everything in my life and that’s why I look like a crazy woman during Bodycombat class at the gym. I need to give it my all, if not, I don't see a point even in starting.

So, for salsa, it’s really important that I am on beat, my turns are stable and my footwork correct. I am not saying that my dance technique is good..far from it actually ( I make up for it with sheer athletics) , but just that I think it’s very important to to do the best I can and only stop when I cannot get any better.

Right now, I know I still can improve and so that’s why I keep pushing myself to get even better.

I have heard a lot of people say that I should just enjoy the dance…but unless I know I am doing it right and to the best that I can, I can’t enjoy it.

Maybe it’s a matter of pride, or just my ego talking, but to goof up in front of a big bunch of people is really difficult thing to accept for me. So, at least, I wanna be sure that if I goof up, it’d be a small goof up. Not the land-on-my-butt type of goof up. The need to look good is very real for me.

Oh, and I don’t want to just dance. I want to DANCE. The light-up-the-floor type of dance.

Yea, pride is one of the seven deadly sins, I know. But what to do? If you want to dance well, you need to work at it. It doesn’t just happen like that ma. Everyone can look good on the dancefloor…it’s just whether a person is willing to spend the time, effort and energy to do so. And I know I can.

Jp’s objective (as I understand of now) is just to dance socially. I don’t really think the need to perfect the dance ranks as highly on his list of priorities as it does on mine. He definitely has no intention of joining any competition.

But him, being my bf and dance partner de jour, this mismatch of objective is a problem. It’s almost as if I want to move forward, but he is happy to remain where he is. This sounds silly, but I worry that if i become a better dancer than him, I will one day find dancing with him unchallenging and he will cease to be my perfect partner. Even as we speak, I already find some of his turn patterns stale.

I hope this doesn’t come across as presumptuous, but doing the same-old same-old is not very fun nor challenging. I know it’s difficult for guys to come up with something different all the time, but repetition sucks all the same. Doing the same thing all the time does not help you improve. It just makes your dance all the more routine. Dancing with jp has become rather routine.

I don’t want to leave jp behind. I really like dancing with him because as my bf, the chemistry is amazing. So, I ended up dragging him and pushing him to improve..to extent of criticizing his posture, his dance stance, his lead and so on. I’d be frustrated when moves are not executed properly and he makes (or so I think) excuses for them.

Not a very nice thing to do and I sincerely apologize for being such an anal-retentive person.

Anyway, I understand now that not everyone aims to DANCE. And it’s wrong of me to expect otherwise. Everyone has their own personal objectives and every objective should be respected equally. Each individual learns at their own pace and it is wrong expect that everyone can pick up something new at the same rate as I do. But I really do wish (unrealistically of course) me and jp could progress as a couple at the same rate and have the same goals.

I think I just need to stop looking at jp as my partner de jour and continue on my own. I think this way, he will not bear the brunt of my frustrations and dancing will be more enjoyable for both of us.


~~~~~


Other than being the perfectionist, I felt very obligated to go down to Union every week, despite whether I felt like going or not.

Going to Union was The Standard thing to do.

I would tell myself that I needed to go Union to practice, otherwise my moves would get rusty and I wouldn’t be able to follow well anymore. Dancing with more advanced dancers would prove difficult and I would have to start back at square one. I don't ever want face the problem/issue of looking and dancing like i've been dancing for 3 months when in actuality, I have been dancing for 1 year. No progress is still okay. Regression is definitely a no-no!

Last Saturday, I discovered that I do I had internalized the basics of salsa to some degree..and while the first few dances were kind of off (which dino very happily pointed out), I’m glad to say that by the end of the night, I was very happily dancing with Johnny on the main dance floor.

I totally had no idea what the hell i was doing but I enjoyed myself immensely. Probably I was too engrossed in following his lead to care if I looked like a squid on fire. Though I don’t think I was particularly graceful, I don’t think I looked thaaat bad lah.

Which means to say, technique doesn’t just disappear if you don’t go Union every week. You just need more time to warm up before dancing with an experienced dancer. :)

~~~~~~

Other than going to Union to practice, sometimes I would end up at Union because jp wanted to go. Either because he already promised some people that he’d be going and going back on his word is a very “not man” thing to do, or because he was just dying to dance cuz he had not danced all week.

Point to note: Because of his line of work, jp has ridiculous work hours. Meaning to say, he generally meets his clients on weekend AND after office hours. Which leaves little time for me. Divide this time among gym, family, outside friends, his own stuff to do and salsa and you will see how much time we really can spend together. So, in order to see more of him, I’d just go to Union with him even if I didn’t feel like it.

Which naturally brings on resentment. You can read more about how annoyed I was here, here and here.

So, salsa on weekends and certain weekdays became VERY routine and after a while, I just resented it.

I’ve yet to speak to JP about his stupid work schedule but rest assured, I’m doing something about it! He’s also stopped trying to “make” me going Union and lets me decide more on what to do on weekends so we’re on the right track. :D

~~~~~~

Ok, that’s all I have to say about my feelings. A long post indeed. Thank you for making it all the way to the end.

See you on the dancefloor soon!

XxX,

audrey at 13:07

6 lamb droppings




Friday, April 27, 2007

My love-hate relationship

A rambly post about salsa, which i am sure, is inordinately boring for people who do not dance the dance. You may want to stop reading here, if that's the case.


For salsa people who intend to read the following post, please note that this is a pointless, rambly, need-to-get-out-of-my-system-not-macking-any-point post. Other than that, please carry on.

p/s: this post is SO NOT directed at Johnny. Just in case ANY of you bozos think otherwise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like dancing, yet I don't feel like dancing.

JP said I was too uptight because I told him that I wanted to go back to salsa but I no longer had anymore goals to attain, I find it boring. Meaning no more classes to progress to, no more different types of dance to learn. (I refuse to take classes for Merengue, in case you were wondering).

For me, salsa has been reduced to social dancing. Which bores me, because the aim of social dancing is...to socialize.

As you all know, small talk with people I am not so familiar with is not really my forte per se. I can do it, but I feel really fake at the same time.

The problem with small talk is that you need to act like you are really interested, like you care..when in actuality, you will just forget what the relative stranger said to you within the next 15mins.

Honestly, do you really think the other person you are talking so earnestly to is really listening?
It's pointless process when you know whatever you said will be forgotten when the next song ends.

Anyway, back to my point on objectives.
Like Miss/Mr Anonymous pointed out the other day in his/her comment on Passion, discipline is required in the development of a skill. I guess it's easy when you are taking classes, on a performance team or if your goal is to join a competition. There is yardstick for you to measure your performance. You are aiming for something. There is a need to practice and perfect the dance. There are consequences if you do not practice.


You will want to practice your new moves when you go for class because it'll be bo hua if you don't. Besides, you don't want to be singled out by Jackson in class; ever so difficult to live down.

You need to attend practice sessions if you are on the performance team. You just have to. You don't want to drag down the team. And besides, people will laugh at you if your technique is lousy AND you are on the performance team.

You definitely need to get your act together if you want to join a competition. Unless you are aiming to be the next William Hung of salsa that is. But I assure you, the money is NOWHERE as good.

But for social dancing...it's just dancing for fun. So what if your turns are perfect? So what if you have fantastic musicality? So what if you can follow perfectly?
Yes, yes...your partner will be overjoyed. But that him/her, not you. What does it do for you?

Maybe it's really callous of me to say this, but seeing someone smile really makes your day for you meh??????
Well, good for you. It doesn't quite do it for me.

At the end of the day, people who dance socially...just dance socially. It doesn't really matter if you are right on beat. It's okay if you are off balance. And it's perfectly normal and fine to be mediocre.

I hate to be mediocre. If you are going to be mediocre, then might as well not do it at all. Why spent over a thousand dollars and 3 days a week at the club just to be mediocre? 1K can give you a super budget trip to Taiwan you know?


Anyway, I will be going to union is Saturday. I am going. I am going. I am going. I am going. I am going. I am going. I am going. I am going. I am going. I AM GOING THIS SATURDAY!!!

Hopefully, the salsa bug will return and bite me hard in the ass again.
Pls cross your fingers for me that it does. Please?

XxX,

audrey at 16:12

16 lamb droppings




Dishing Dirt

Had dinner with Wan'er and Carine yday.

It was really great. The last time the 3 of us sat down together to really bitch (given all our characters, we bitch. Not talk. And yes, I am very honest) was like, er, nearly 10 years ago.

The realization that we are really older than we think we are struck us when we struggled like crazy over dinner on who dated who, which girl slapped which other girl, who we had a crush on and all sorts of other secondary school nonsense. We were wondering why were we having so much trouble placing faces to the names and the what-happened-then when we realized that it's been nearly 10 freaking years.

OMG. I AM OLD!!!!! *faint*

Oh. And then there was also the juicy fillers on the lives of our other secondary school mates over the last 10 years that we had not met. In other words, we gave each other the lowdown on everybody.

It's so amazing how perception can change with age. And how everything that seemed so serious in the past was just laughed off yesterday. The especially laughable segment was the Old Boyfriends segment. You should seen how we cringed when we recalled who we used to date in the past. Ack.

It's also so marvelous to find that both Wan'er and Carine are still essentially the same people and how we can still just sit down and start yakking away like we were still teenagers.

Amazing.

I love my old friends. I don't have to prove anything. They don't have to prove anything. We can just concentrate on complaining, bitching and all the other miscellanous stuff. No need for all the useless getting-to-know-you-must-be-polite-and-politically-correct small talk.


Anyway, here's some dirt I found out:

- The 4 Great Mei Nus are no longer talking to each other.
- 1 of the 4 Great Mei Nus has become very weird and rather tactless bitch.
- The Big Pervert was the one who introduce Ray to Wan'er.
- The Big Pervert is constantly surrounded by girls now (they must be blind!!!)
- Mr S.K has a gambling problem.
- Carine is dead against two-timing and cheating on your bf.
- Wan'er has, er, a more relaxed and tolerant view of cheating.
- I insist on sitting on the fence.
- They all had, sometime or other, a crush on my (ex) bf.



Hehehe. Yday was a good night!

XxX,

audrey at 12:34

0 lamb droppings




Thursday, April 26, 2007

26th April is Bump/Crash/Step On Audrey Day

I am in a damn bad mood today.

Today seems like the day of the year to bump into Audrey. 26th April should be officially labelled as Bump/Crash/Step On Audrey Day.

This morning, I had the pleasure of inhaling a pungent mix of sweat, cheap perfume and B.O. on the crowded train to work. The train was so crowded that I could not find any other space to stand and had to tolerate the smelly man all the way.

Worse, he stepped on my Nine West shoes and had the audacity to give me a pointed look (as if to say "Why can't you move back?!") instead of apologising profusely. He also nearly elbowed me in the boob. And his shoulder/armpit was right in front of me throughout the trip to work.

Throughout the ride, he kept trying to move backwards despite having my book pressed into his back. My nose was getting closer and closer to his disgusting self and I had no where to escape to in the very packed train.

I wanted to yell at him and kick him in the nuts.
But because I am a civilized person, I did not.

I merely sneezed a few times into the back of his shirt.


And at Great World City, some stupid woman bulldozed her way right into me. She literally walked right into me from behind. WTF?!!!!!!! I'm small i know, but I am not invisible!!! Again, she didn't even apologise. She just gave me a look and charged off (maybe in search of another person to bulldoze).

Singaporeans got no eyes izzit?!! Why can't they look where they are going? Why do they have to look left, look right, look up, look down, look anywhere else but where they are going.

Bang into people also don't know how to apologise.
Bloody idiots.

~~~~~~

I don't get it man.

Why do people with B.O. don't know that they smell bad?

It's amazing how they are totally oblivious to the nauseated looks of people around them and how people try to move away inconspicuously.

It's amazing that I know so many people that don't have a clue that they have B.O.! Don't bother asking me if you have B.O. I am not going to tell you. Go sniff your armpits yourself.

Or get someone else to do it for you.

But here's a tip. If you even suspect you have B.O., you probably do. So, get your lazy ass to the pharmacy and buy some anti-perspirant/deodourant now!

You don't want to wait for your friend/colleague/aquaintence/enemy/stanger in the train to tell you that you stink to high heaven.

Bah! I am so mad!!!!

XxX,

audrey at 14:45

1 lamb droppings




Wednesday, April 25, 2007

more about teeth

As you all know, i need to get my final (thank god!!!) wisdom tooth extracted. And fortunately, it's just the upper molar.

No real biggie.

To cut to the chase, my mom recently had root canal treatment and the extraction of 2 teeth. I don't know why her teeth got extracted cuz she flosses like 2x a day and brushes without fail...but anyway, she had some surgery done.

And now, she's suffering from trismus. Trismus is nearly, if not the same as lockjaw. Basically, you cannot open your mouth wide. Currently, she can only stick 1 finger inside her mouth. It's not really funny anymore because she can't eat alot of food...she resorted to snipping her durian into bitesized bits the other day with a scissors.

Anyway, she's taken to surfing the Net to find out more on the cures for trismus and as a result, i made a startling discovery.

Apparently, the removal of wisdom teeth (esp the lower ones) can also cause trismus! I'm so glad nothing happened to me!

But that's not what I want to tell you about. The most interesting thing i found out today was that you can re-grow your permanent teeth if they get knocked out!


Should you lose your tooth (say you were involved in an accident and your tooth got knocked out), you should NEVER wash your tooth in water. Instead, you should use your saliva to clean it and pop it back into your mouth or back into its original place and hold it there gently (water kills the root of the tooth). Should saliva not be available (ok, so maybe you're bleeding profusely in the mouth), you can also (apparently) dump the fallen tooth into a clean cup of milk. Make sure that you hold the tooth by its crown and not the root.

Go the the dentist immediately and get the tooth reinstalled. Apparently, the tooth (and i do mean your permanent teeth) can continue to grow normally after some help from the dentist.

However, you will need to get to your dentist and get that tooth implanted within an hour; 30mins after the tooth falls out, the fibrioblasts begin to die. Any later than that and it might be better if you just gave up the tooth for the dead and resign yourself to a life of dentures.

You can read more about tooth replantation here.

Cool huh?



Why am I telling you this? Er, just for general information I guess. Just in case your teeth ever get knocked out. :P

XxX,

audrey at 23:31

1 lamb droppings




Tuesday, April 24, 2007

you can find everything on google

Check out the maps tool on google!


It's super cool!

You can annotate the map and draw lines so people will never get lost based on your instructions again!

Check out the map to my house!


I'm very impressed!

XxX,

audrey at 18:33

0 lamb droppings




Monday, April 23, 2007

Cyborg

Ok, this is kinda ridiculous.
3 posts in 1 day is a borderline case of loser behavior...but WTF. I dropped by Pris' page, caught sight of this and just had to post something.



Artificial Unit Designed for Repair and Efficient Yelling

Get Your Cyborg Name




Irritating, isn't it? All the more worse because it's kinda true.

So impressed I was by it's accuracy, that I decided to check out what it says about JP.

Which is, OMG, so true as well!!


Journeying Intelligent Android Normally for Peacekeeping, Infiltration and Nocturnal Gratification

Get Your Cyborg Name




I am so majorly screwed.

XxX,

audrey at 23:58

1 lamb droppings




Tooth Hurts


Visited the dentist today. Finally.
After, er, 2 years.

And amazingly, no cavities! I was actually expecting at least one.


I learnt something new today - Fillings don't last forever. They generally K.O after about 10 years or so.

So, my filling in my right molar has died and I need to do something about it since leaving it alone will result in the eventual loss of my tooth.

Meaning, I need to spend more money and swap the nearly dead filling for a new one which will set me back by about $100+++. The whole swap-old-filling-for-new-one process will take approximately 1 hour.

Sigh. And I need to pull out my final wisdom tooth as well.

I wonder if I will develop lockjaw.
I am so not looking forward to it.

XxX,

audrey at 23:40

1 lamb droppings




pipe dream

Despite my attempt to try make it down to Union last Saturday (I brought my dance shoes out, mind you!), I am sorry to say that I ended up smoking shisha with jp at Arab Street instead.
It was my first time smoking shisha, and the smoke ended up in my tummy instead of my lungs.
See? I'm exhaling in the photo below, but no smoke! Guess where it all went?
I can confirm that it went into my tummy because not long after smoking, I developed "wind" not long after the session.
JP had no problems though. He was blowing out plumes of smoke!
In fact, my tummy ache can be largely attribute to his bad advice - He keep telling me that I was not sucking the tube hard enough so that's why there was no/minimal smoke when I exhaled.
We had bread with hummus and dunno what dips, as well as apricot nectar and hisbicus tea.

I say, give me a coke any day!
Ok lah. It's not a bad experience, though I need to seriously work on my inhalation techniques.




XxX,

audrey at 16:04

2 lamb droppings




Friday, April 20, 2007

Auntie also can blog

Nothing inspired me, neither did anything irritate me and I am too full of bak kut teh from lunch to bother with reflection.



So! I found this Auntie Ah Uhm's blog.

http://www.laozhabor.blogspot.com/

Check it out!

XxX,

audrey at 14:28

0 lamb droppings




Thursday, April 19, 2007

I Do (NOT!).

Marriage

Isn't it funny how some people can getting married after a whirlwind courtship whereas others can breakup after being together for 10 years?
I wonder, what's the rush?

So eager to spend the rest of their lives together that they can't wait to tie the knot and bind themselves legally till death?

How can these people be so sure of their commitment? So sure of that the other party is The One? So sure that they won't find something terribly disagreeable with their Significant Other in due course?

Too often we hide our true selves from those we like in order to make a good impression.

It takes about 1 year for all the gross bits to surface (or for your preconceived, infatuated bubble to burst, whichever comes first).

It also takes about nearly a year (or more!) before you can fart, burp and scratch your ass in front of your bf/gf.

It will then take about another year for you to get over the gross bits and reach a compromise. It's not easy to change yourself you know!


There's nothing wrong with marrying a relative stranger, of course! It's just that I don't think I could marry someone before I am completely comfortable with him.


**Sidenote: Can you imagine if pretty girl and Boutique Owner BF got married 3 years ago?
Wah, what does that mean? Divorce ah?

XxX,

audrey at 16:39

7 lamb droppings




What would you do...Part III

Latest Latest Update!



Oh what a tangled web we weave
When first we practiced to deceive!
- Sir Walter Scott (1771 - 1832)



Host unlimited photos at slide.com for FREE!



Pretty girl and her sorry-ass Boutique Owner BF have patched back up.
Seems like he cannot live without her either and since begged for forgiveness.

According to the BF, he didn't sleep with the Slut.
But according to the Slut (who pretty girl had previously called to demand for an explanation), they did.




What do you think?
p/s: For the uninformed, here are Parts I and II.

XxX,

audrey at 11:09

5 lamb droppings




Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Passion

What are you passionate about?

Boss away on holiday with hot fling = me happy
Ok, it's not like my boss is a fire-breathing dragon, he's not. But no matter what, a line is still drawn between the man who owns the company and the rest of the mortals who work for the company.

Anyway, he's not around and my project is at a standstill because I'm waiting for approval. And since he was up to his neck approving other work, I didn't manage to talk to him before he left.

Oh well..

Anyway, back to my question. What are you passionate about?

I find it so great that some people can be so passionate about something. Like music. Or dance. Or gaming. Or writing. Something!

Me? I have no sustainable passion.
In other words, hobby. Everything just fizzles out in the end.

I thought I found it with salsa. But that isn't true.
I like the dance, but truth be told, I find it somewhat boring now.

Maybe it's because I've been stagant or reach a plateau, OR it could be that I only end up dancing with a certain few people. Not that they are no good, but if you eat foie gras and caviar everyday, surely you will get sick of it eventually?Whatever the cause, it's just not much fun anymore.

No follow-through?

How do you follow-through passion?

I just don't understand how come the interest in something doesn't just sizzle out for some people? Do they like it because they are good at it? Or because their entire social lives are built around it and they can't leave? Or because they just LOVE it to death and can't live without it?

OMG, i'm so boring, I could make me cry.

XxX,

audrey at 16:00

8 lamb droppings




Monday, April 16, 2007

A thing of beauty, or is it?

Would you recognize something of great beauty if it's somewhere you don't expect? This was the question the Indian Stallion posed on his blog.

Stop reading for a minute and think about it. Would you be able to recognize something for its true worth sans branding and the pizazz?

Really?

I admit, I wouldn't. It's an embarassment, I know, but I'm a sucker for branding.

Apparently, some people in the States ran a test. They got one of the world's best violinists to masquerade as a street busker for 1 hour to see if commuters would stop and listen to his performance. To find out the result of the test, click here.

After reading the above article, I proceeded to read up (for some reason I can't remember now) on Scientology. Here are a few fast facts about Scientology:


1. Scientology is a body of teachings and related techniques developed by American science fiction author L. Ron Hubbard. It started out as a self-help philosophy which later "blossomed" into a religion.
2. The Church of Scientology is entitled to recognition as a religious organization by the European Convention of Human Rights
3. Scientology has a disconnection policy, in which members are encouraged to cut off all contact with friends or family members critical of the Church
4. Scientology opposes the study and application of psychiatry and psychology

To find out more about Scientology, please click here.



Now then, when I juxtoposed the main tenets of the 2 articles, I ended up with the following conclusions:

1. Marketing is important. It first helps to promote a product's value, and later on, serves to convince people that it is valuable.
2. People not necessarily can recognize something for its worth on their own.
3. Herd mentality rules.

Now, can the above be similarly applied to religion?

If there were not a big bunch of people going around extoling the benefits of the religion, would you subscribe to that religion? If you were not already surrounded by friends and family who subscribe to that faith, would you have chosen that path?

Likewise, if you are surrounded by many people who believe, does you faith in God become stronger by association as well?

Or would you be able to embrace God on your own?

XxX,

audrey at 17:18

2 lamb droppings




Sunday, April 15, 2007

Mountains of food!

Yday's BBQ was totally yummilicious!
We had:

Bacon Golden Straw Mushroom Rolls
Golden Straw Mushrooms Smothered in Cheese
Shitake Mushrooms in Dawn Special Sauce
Honey Glazed Chicken Wings
Turkish Chicken Kebab
Cod Fillet in Butter and Italian Herbs
Fruit Salad with Grapefruit Dressing
Teriyaki Beef, Pork and Mushroom Chicken Balls
Bratwurst Sausage Buns with Tomato Beef Sauce
Mee Goreng

Good leh? Hehehehehe.

Oh, and I discovered that if you "peng" bread with honey and butter on the grill, it really tastes MARVELOUS! Haha. Can't be recreated with the normal toaster.

I like it so much that Honeyed Butter bread will be a must have for all my future BBQs. :)

Check out the pics below.
Pity Miss Phua left so early...the photo taking only started after we finished eating. Oh well, nvm..plenty more opportunity when we go UK i guess.




p/s: Can ANY Mac lover out there, PLEASE tell me, HOW DO I RESIZE MY PHOTOS?!! Thank you.

XxX,

audrey at 17:23

4 lamb droppings




Saturday, April 14, 2007

Toodles to Twain

Hope is a waking dream.
Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC), from Diogenes Laertius, Lives of Eminent Philosophers


Today was Twain's last day at work. To think, 21 months just flew by like that.
Wow.

Anyway, he was really sweet and being a designer, he drew up (maybe "Illustrated" might be a more apt word) and printed out cards for each of us with a personalized message.

Shall not bore you by going into the details of what he wrote to me, but one particular thing caught my eye. He casually mentioned that I was a girl with "big dreams". How interesting, for I do not, to borrow a phrase from a friend, have "lofty dreams" per se.

What I do have though, is the belief that I can be whatever I want to be so long I am persistent and driven enough to do it. Perhaps it is this belief that Twain sees. :)

Anyway, thank you Twain, for labelling me as the Girl with Big Dreams.
Here's something for you, ala V for Vendetta style. Abit corny, but pls forgive me. It is 2.39am at the moment and the Thai food we had for dinner is still messing with my brain :D

A Toodle-oo for Twain

To The Talented and Tolerant,
Truthful and never Tardy Twain,
I bid you a warm Toodle-oo.

I wish you the best
And pray that you will have
all the Tenacity, Temerity and Technical know-how
To Transcend and Triumph over

All Trials, Tribulations and Tests of life,
Tricky situations (and lack of Teabreaks), Tracery,
Toil, Trollops (if any) and Traps.

Tsetchem leshalom.
Toodles and Till Then.

Tata Twain!

XxX,

audrey at 01:54

2 lamb droppings




Wednesday, April 11, 2007

And away we go (this June, that is)

I am going UK this June.
Woo hoo.

And i say again, I am going UK this June.
WOO HOO!

XxX,

audrey at 17:08

4 lamb droppings




Tuesday, April 10, 2007

zsa zsa at the beach

Down with food poisoning really sucks.
Apart from having your innards feel like they are being squeezed from every possible direction, your entire body aches so much that it's painful to even be touched anyway.

Anyway...Here is a slideshow of zsa zsa st Sentosa last wkend.
Happy viewing.


XxX,

audrey at 13:04

1 lamb droppings




Monday, April 09, 2007

What would you do if...Part II

Latest update!

Pretty girl and her haughty boutique owner bf have broken up.
Apparently, pretty girl discovered that her bf had cheated on her a few months back. And even though the bf has already stopped seeing the girl for some time now, pretty girl just cannot accept the fact that he cheated.

According to her, she is dying of grief and cannot accept anyone at all at the moment.

It must be that my memory is faulty, but didn't she say she was considering B-list celebrity just a short while ago?

XxX,

audrey at 11:47

1 lamb droppings




Thursday, April 05, 2007

men are stupid

I have a right to my anger, and I don't want anybody telling me I shouldn't be, that it's not nice to be, and that something's wrong with me because I get angry.
- Maxine Waters, in Brian Lanker, I Dream a World, 1989


I've thought about it, and I now realize why I get resentful when jp disappears off to Union.

It's because I feel cheated!!!

Now, first and foremost, I don't mind if he goes off to Union without me and has a good time. Ideally though, i would be having a good time with him at Union, but sometimes, circumstances deem this arrangement rather difficult so I am OK with the fact that he goes off on his own without me.

But consider this...

He calls you and tells you that he has been working like a dog and is dead tired. He then proceeds to tell you his schedule for the next day. He ends at 10pm. He then says "perhaps I can meet you, or drop by your place tomorrow after my work. But, I have an appt at Sengkang tomorrow lei."

You tell him that since he is so tired and has so much work to do, it's quite pointless for him to come over to meet you after his work since it will be very late. Moreover, he will have to wake up extra early the next day for his appt since Woodlands is not exactly near Sengkang.

He says "Hmm, okay. I'll let you know tomorrow".


Here is the problem. It lies in the "I'll let you know" part.

When I hear "I'll let you know", I get some a strange, stupid ray of hope that he will come and meet me despite everything. If he had just said "Oh, okay, I'll meet you some other day then", at least I won't have that hope that we will meet up.

Things get ugly when the next day, he casually mentions that he might be going down to Union because Patrick and the guys are asking him down for drinks after ending work.

WTF???!!?!!

What happened to the "perhaps I can meet you, or drop by your place tomorrow after my work. But, I have an appt at Sengkang tomorrow"? How come it's suddenly been replaced by a drinks session with the boys at Union?


*angry* *angry* *ANGRY*

He should just have said no at the beginning!!!

This is a girl thing. I don't expect the men to understand and I congratulate the women who have bothered to read so far. You do know what I mean, don't you?

*sigh*

XxX,

audrey at 17:07

5 lamb droppings




To be an adult is to be alone.

Read somewhere someone was worried about becoming someone who couldn't get along with anybody.
Made me think about me.

I wonder, is that how people see me too?
Don't bother, I do not care to know.

Sometimes, I wonder to myself, who are the people that I would actually like to meet. That I will supposedly "get along with". What does it mean to "get along with" anyway?

Does "getting along" equate to being firm friends? Or merely people you can have lunch with and talk civilly to?

But first, which is preferable to you? Numerous and widespread weak links or a few strong links and many weak links?

I know i used to crave popularity and attention when I was younger. So, it meant going with the flow of things, going along with the crowd even if it meant that I didn't like what the crowd was doing. You need to tow the line if you want to be accepted. You need to care how others look at you and judge you if you want to be part of the in-group. You need to put others before yourself even if you don't want to.

Then, somehow, suddenly I realized - I didn't like what the in-group was doing. Like what Suzanne Gordon said in Lonely in America, to be alone is to be different, to be different is to be alone.

I think, I simply grew up. I realized that I do not need the approval of others to do what I like, think what I like, feel what I like. I especially do not need the approval of my aquaintences since they are not going to entertain my sob story calls at 4am anyway. I've stopped trying to make people who dislike me, like me. I have also stopped trying to like people that I obviously dislike. For such folk, the further they are from me, the better. I have found that they are usually not quite worth the effort.

Hard to get along with? Maybe. Picky? Maybe. Angry? Definitely.

But you know, despite being hard to get along, picky, angry, fussy, bitchy and full of complaints, I realize that the people that surround me (though few) are really the gems. Because they took the time to know me and like me for me. Not the me that was pandering to them for the sake of an audience. But me. I do not need to apologise for being me. I appreciate that.

And I sure as hell am glad that I have gems for friends, rather than many grains of aquaintences.

XxX,

audrey at 00:04

2 lamb droppings




Wednesday, April 04, 2007

it pays to read

Ho, ho!
What do you know? It actually pays to hang out at your community library.

Apparently, I've won a pair of tickets to watch Freedom Writers, starring Hilary Swank.

Seems like the librarians are really getting desperate to upp readership rates! :D

XxX,

audrey at 14:37

0 lamb droppings




Tuesday, April 03, 2007

What would you do..?

...If you were a pretty girl and could choose between the two.

Contestant 1: Fashion boutique owner
Current status: BF of pretty girl and has a relationship of 3 years. Recently, relationship became more rocky upon the appearance of B list celebrity and after pretty girl joined a number of variety shows.
Depth of Pockets: Relatively well-to-do
Character Analysis: Proud and somewhat haughty. Not a very social creature. Vain.




Contestant 2: B list celebrity
Current status: Firm friends, gets invited over to house for parties
Depth of Pockets: Significantly richer than well-to-do bf and owns a condo chockfull of designer furniture.
Character Analysis: Supposedly rationale and mature (accordingly to pretty girl, since I have no such luck of knowing even a B list celebrity) but has already indicated his interest to pretty girl.


Seems pretty obvious huh? I think someone is blinded by stardust!
I think I may have a friend who has a celebrity bf soon.

I'll let you know! :D

XxX,

audrey at 17:09

6 lamb droppings




Ask no questions, and you will be told no lies.

Was just browsing around, randomly reading blogs as usual when I came across this quote:



When you truly care for someone, you don't look for faults, you don't look for answers, you don't look for mistakes.

Instead, you fight the mistakes, you accept the faults, and you overlook the excuses.


No offense to the person who put this quote up on her blog, but I violently disagree with it!

The above statement makes perfect sense if you just read it casually, BUT it reeks of impracticality if you try to apply it to real life. In fact, it's kinda contradictory if you think about it.

Ok, well, maybe it's just me. I'm so far from sainthood that i've given up trying altogether. Or maybe i'm just a horrid person who can't be bothered with idealistic and inapplicable quotations..though more likely, I just enjoy poking holes into things and bulldozing my way through life.

Whatever.


Can someone please explain to me, how exactly do you fight a mistake?


Mistake - noun
An error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc.


In my book, a mistake is a wrong that has already occurred. How do you fight the past?? In my opinion, you can only prevent a person from making a mistake if you DO NOT not accept excuses. Besides, if you can label it as a “mistake” you probably already found some fault with that person and are nowhere near “accept[ing] the fault”.


Excuse – noun
A pretext or subterfuge


An excuse is not a valid reason and hence should not be accepted or overlooked. If you are willing to accept excuses, then you are also opening yourself up to white lies, half-truths and a lot of pain.

Excuses also tend to herald the beginning of a lot of mistakes since both parties couldn’t be bothered to get to the truth but just be content with the semblance of truth. And when that happens, you have, but no choice but to accept the faults.

And lastly, who the hell does not look for answers?!
If he cheats on you, you don’t want an answer issit? If he does something wrong, no need to explain why issit?

Absolute rubbish!

The only thing that I agree with is that you should not find fault in your partner. But even then, we can't accept their faults just like that, can we?

I can't. Not without trying first. Can you?

XxX,

audrey at 14:54

3 lamb droppings




Monday, April 02, 2007

Six weird things about me

Right...so i've been tagged. How interesting...by someone that i don't personally know and who i thought (naively so) did not know me, no less.

So, hello there smudgi3 :) I enjoy reading your blog, btw.

Anyway, although playing this game does feel very much like i'm picking my nose in public, here goes...

Started by Tetanus
I was tagged by smudgi3

These are the rules:
Each player of this game starts out by giving six weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own six weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose six people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog!

One
I have a small mole on my left arm, near the pit that i am conscious of. Most of the time, you can't see it. The rest of the time, I pretend that you can't see it. I'm not going to get rid of it, in case you were wondering. Try to pretend you're not looking at it the next time you talk to me.

Two
I constantly worry that my myopia will come back some day despite being tested for better than 6/6 vision. I look at far away objects just to check whether I can read the words. I get very distressed when I can't and need to suppress waves of panic.

Three
I do attempt double turns, salsa steps and body isolations in front of my mirror when i'm dressed up. What? It makes me happy when I know think I look good when I dance.

Four
I don't watch TV. Firstly, because I think all local shows are pathetic rip-offs . Secondly, my eyes tear when I watch TV. And finally, because watching the telly usually results in me developing a headache. Yes, I am that intellectual.

Five
I have a weird fascination for armpit hair. I happen to think armpit hair is extremely, horrendously gross. But I just can't help staring at people who expose their hairy pits and wonder what don't they do something about it.

Six
My head is super sensitive and as a result, I am extremely prone to headaches and migraines. I can't wear my hair too high or for too long. I can't wear halter neck tops or dresses because they pull against my neck which give me tensed shoulders and neck muscles that in turn translates to headaches. Extreme heat or cold, overly strong smells, prolonged exposure to loud sounds and television also bring on the misery. I thus carry an assortment of headache pills with me at ALL times.


I tag:

Almost Virgin
Chubblez
Priscilla
Jeremy
Dawn
Gravensoul


Hehehe. I just got to say this.

You're IT!

XxX,

audrey at 17:22

2 lamb droppings




zsa zsa in the bag

Check out zsa zsa in her new carrier bag that can be used 3 ways!


Can't say she enjoyed the ride though. :P

XxX,

audrey at 14:02

0 lamb droppings