Friday, May 30, 2003
helo people,just wanna let you guys know that my computer is down (im at my friend's place now) so i won't be blogging for a while. Stupid windows XP. The computer guys are downgrading me to windows 2000 in hopes that i won't bother them anymore. Sigh.
BTW, i have PASSED my bike prac. 2. I did my prac. 3 the other day. My emergency braking and slalom course was fine..but i just kept falling off the bloody plank. Sigh. So malu....oh well...wish me luck k?
Anyway, do check back again soon..like maybe in a week or so. Will continue writing stupid thoughts when my computer comes home. Meanwhile, have fun and enjoy yourselves.
XxX,
audrey at 20:50
0 lamb droppings
Saturday, May 24, 2003
helo.haven't been here for a few days. basically, nothing interesting has really happened in my life so i had nothing worth while to write. well, if u're interested to know how my prac. 2 lesson went though, this blog will be about that.
Essentially, my 2nd attempt prac 2 went FAR FAR worse than my first attempt. I just kept mounting kerb after kerb. It was terrible. There was this instance when i got kinda stuck in between a tree root on the kerb. I wanted to bring the bike back onto the road but it was kinda stuck..so i just parked my bike on its side stand and waited for my instructor to rescue me. Haha, i guess that's the benefit of being a girl. They (the males and the instructors) seem to find it really amusing when stuff like this happens. Well, not that i am for male masochism or anything like that, but sometime pretending to the helpless (and hapless) female is rather useful. HAha...anyway..i was a little more than disappointed that i didn't manage to clear my prac. 2 but i do know my limits. Nevermind. I'll try again on tuesday. Hopefully there won't be a tree root in the way this time. :)
XxX,
audrey at 14:16
0 lamb droppings
Wednesday, May 21, 2003
check this pic out...
This is my friend, Ray, bah.
XxX,
audrey at 16:03
0 lamb droppings
Just finished my second tennis lesson...wasn't too bad...I think. Hopefully I'll get the hang of it soon so we can actually play a proper game. heh.
Was just wondering, is it possible for someone to admire another secretly and silently (duh!) for 8 years? Wow. That's a real long time man. I, for one, definitely cannot. I think even 6 months is a long time for me to keep quiet about my feelings. :)
Hey, you! Yeah, you, the one reading this right now. Can you like drop a note or something on my tag-board. I think I need some interaction here...I haven't had any awe-inspiring thoughts recently so I cant really blast anyone or anything...ok? In case you're wondering, the tag-board is right at the bottom of the page...just scroll down.
All righty then...will write when the urge strikes. See ya!
XxX,
audrey at 15:39
0 lamb droppings
Tuesday, May 20, 2003
Helo..hehehe, i flunked my prac 2 today. I had to do the figure 8, crank course and slope. A bit too much to absorb in 1 lesson for me. The only consolation is that all the others who were taking prac. 2 had to repeat their lessons too. :P
Cheerio!
XxX,
audrey at 23:42
0 lamb droppings
Morning!
Ah, haven't worked out in such a long while and so now im kinda aching all over. Tennis yesterday, i would say, wasn't half bad. At least I could still hit the ball. Hee!~ Next tennis day is on Thursday.
For those who are even remotely interested watching "The Gathering", please only watch it on weekdays when the prices of movie tickets are $6.50. The show is NOT worth any more than that. Won't spoil the show for you by complainig about the plot but I would say that the storyline was thin with little and a big hooha was made about nothing essentially. Don't get what Im trying to say? Hehe, sorry for sounding so cryptic but i don't want to spoil the show for you (in the event you actually do watch it). Anyway....the show was disappointing. Wouldn't recommend it.
You know, I can actually feel a little happy now. Maybe I have not so much been weeping about the loss of my ex. but rather the (definite) end of a relationship. I thought I would be moping around for half a year or more (that's how long I took the last time to get over somebody) but I seemed to have felt alot better in the last few days. I am so so so so so so so much freer! yay!
ok, gtg now. see u around!
p/s: Going for my bike prac. 2 today. :)
XxX,
audrey at 12:08
0 lamb droppings
Monday, May 19, 2003
Hi everyone,I just realised that I may have wasted several precious tears on a guy who totally is NOT worth them and who treated me and my feelings like trash. shit.
Don't bother wondering why I have suddenly come to this realisation because the story is too long and complicated to tell but I can tell you this, I feel much better now that I am past the sad and onto the disappointed/angry/betrayed stage.
Too bad I haven't learnt to how add music to my blog or else I would place the song in the background but there's this phrase in the song "Everybody's free to wear Sunscreen" by Baz Lurhmann (dunno if i got his name correct) that says " Don't be reckless with other people's hearts if you don't want them to be reckless with yours." While i have always agreed with that phrase and thought that i had been adhering to that hueristic, i realize now that i have been far from doing that. You should really take a listen to that song, it offers many nuggets of advice which on the surface are so obvious that it's funny, but in actuality, carry a serious message. Like my Philosophy prof. once said : "Don't try to sound profound. You'll just end up sounding pretentious and stupid. Aim for simplicity. You will naturally sound profound." Take a listen to the song and tell me what you think!
I digress. Anyway, the reason of all the recklessness and aggravation of the situation was that I was not being firm and sticking to my guns when i should have. It is really so difficult to be firm and say what you really feel when you know what you say will hurt someone else. I'm not sure if by this admission (that i don't say how i really feel) would result the classification of my character into the "weak" category but i am a firm believer in that words have the power to make or break a person. Perhaps I am, by nature, rather sensitive to the several nuances, undertones and implications of words, so I tend to hold back on my comments in fear of making a person feel bad but i guess many others simply blurt (literally) their mind out.
Moreover, the choice of words a person uses allows another to read greatly into one's thoughts and character. How so? I can't quite say it here..but essentially, I believe everyone has experienced making a decision on whether a particular person is nice or nasty based on what he/she said. Okaaay, (yeah, I admit) so this happening is more typical in girls than guys but still, it happens right? And everyone knows gossip spreads like wildfire.
Yada yada yada....anyway, im going to play tennis tomorrow. First time. :)))))))) Will come back tomorrow with an update of my tennis progress.
XxX,
audrey at 00:15
0 lamb droppings
Sunday, May 18, 2003
hey,Sorry for the late post but I just want to announce that I have (finally) passed my Riding Prac. 1 at the fourth try. Yay! Anyway, my prac two is schedule for tuesday. Wish me luck so I won't drop my bike during the figure 8 course. :P
I think maybe I am currently in a state of denial. I keep trying to blot the breakup and pain away but like taking a painkiller, it merely numbs your sensations.
I think I remember why I have been so afraid of commitment before. It's the breakup heartache part that scares me. Actually, breaking up is not such a big deal if two people still can remain as good friends. Its only really painful when, overnight, you lose not just your significant other but also your best friend. To me, losing the best friend part is far far far worse than losing a boyfriend...Its so terrible to suddenly discover that the person you have been closest with for 3-4 years suddenly doesn't want to even be your friend anymore.
Anyway, i gtg now. need to go work (yeah, found a part time job finally). anyway, hope u guys will have a better and more entertaining Sunday than me. Ciao!
XxX,
audrey at 13:39
0 lamb droppings
Thursday, May 15, 2003
Hi people,I just came home from my friend's place. Had a great time yesterday clubbing at MS. Attached below is a picture of me and my good friend Esther whom i have known for about 16 years.
And i would like to thank her brother Brighton for teaching me how to attached pictures (finally!!) to my blog. hehe..i can stick stuff up now. Thanks Brighton!
XxX,
audrey at 15:19
0 lamb droppings
Wednesday, May 14, 2003
I wonder why is it that i'll only discover how much i treasure somethng only after i lose it....But no matter, if he's happy i guess that that'll be good enough for me.XxX,
audrey at 18:18
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hi everyone,
Just to update you guys, i have to retake my prac. 1 again. ahahaha...it'll be my fourth time but i don't mind. I guess i am a slow learner. It was raining when i had my lesson today but surprisingly, i felt more "on form" than on other days. ahaha, oh well. I was supposed to go on the outer circuit (which was totally fine) and was also supposed to complete my cones thing. I just couldn't quite zig zag my way through the damn cones. I mowed down quite a few cones on the way but hey, they're just cones lor. :) My next lesson is on friday and i am determined to pass this time round. Yeah! Oh, i think i've made a vast improvement cuz i didn't drop my bike at ALL today. Good yah? Finally. :)))))))))))))
The bad news is that i think i have finally lost the person i treasure most today. Isn't it ironic that when u do bad things, nothing happens but when u finally decide to change for the good, everything falls apart? Is this what they call retribution? I think it's a little delayed if you ask me. Maybe it is for the best because i also think the distance between me and him is growing wider day by day. If he has really found someone else who can make him happy (or not make him unhappy) i guess that'll be good enough for me. Its real difficult you know.
I wish i had more pride. If i had more pride, i would just take the rejection and leave. While my pride is wounded, its not wounded enough that i am real mad and can just throw everything aside and start anew somewhere else. Maybe i would have been able to do that a few years back but i really find it so difficult to let go. While everyone is saying that it is time to let go, i just cant. I keep thinking about the times we spent together in the past and that makes me really sad. There's this really old song by Jordan Chan "Wo ai de ren" which kinda epitomizes how i feel now. Sigh.
I wonder what is he thinking right now? Why do i feel so sad when i don't even know if i love him? Do you think he feels the same too? Should we use our head or heart to guide what we do?
Hey people, do something to cheer me up and/or comfort me lei. I need some major distractions man.......
XxX,
audrey at 00:28
0 lamb droppings
Tuesday, May 13, 2003
hi people,i was so bored today. i was stuck at home all day and as a result spent a good part of my afternoon sleeping. Now i can't get to sleep. Again. Great.
I hate being stuck at home, bored, lonely and out of cash. Actually, i think i hate the "out of cash" bit most cuz thats the main thing stopping me from going out and doing stuff. When will the economy pick up? I like so need a job right now. I can see my dreams of buying a Vespa floating away now..Sad.
Haha, yeah. I want to buy a Vespa. Why? Well, for starters, its really cheap. Would very much prefer a sports version but i think the monthly installments would totally kill me. Must be a little more practical. And besides, the bike looks small. Well, small enough for me. :)
I was just wondering, after a certain length of time, do two people stay together because:
1. they truly love each other
2. companionship
3. invested too much effort to let go ???
I just feel so out of love and completely unappreciated at the moment. I know i shouldn't be entertaining such self-pitying thoughts but i can't help it. When you have too much time to yourself and have been stuck at home all day, your thoughts just run wild. Sorry.
Anyway, i think only like 20% of the time, number 1 (truly love each other) is really true. I think most people stay together because they have merely become comfortable with each other and don't wish to break away from the comfort zone. I bet secretly everyone is thinking that there's somebody better out there for him/her. A boyfriend or girlfriend is just the thing you need to kill time. Why, which other individual would be at your beck and call all day (and night)? Call me cold-hearted, but at this point (i stress: at this point) i really feel that the couples i know merely use each other to fill up spaces in their day.
If you're offended by what you're reading, just take it that it's my "lonliness + bored the whole day" self speaking.
Oh, tomo is my third bike lesson. Just got a call from one of my girlfriend's who is also learning bike. Will be joining her for the lesson tomo and its her fifth attempt at practical one. Hmmz....riding isn't as easy as i thought. Well, at least not riding which is perfect accordance to traffic rules. Stupid rules. Nobody follows the rules anyway. From what i see, everyone puts their right leg down at the traffic lights anyway. Biggie.
Right, gonna read up on my theory now. Going to evaluation as well tomorrow. Ah, tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow......
XxX,
audrey at 00:12
0 lamb droppings
Monday, May 12, 2003
Hi.Just visited my friend's brother's (brighton) website and i must admit its pretty good. Gonna put it up on the recc. list so u guys can go check it out when free. Feel embarassed of my own blog which is updated every few days. That guy practically updates it every day! God, and i thought i was being faithful to blogging already. Hah! BTW, for those who know me in RL, i think there are a few photos of me on his website..maybe if u're really bored u can go browse and try pick me out. I could hardly recognize myself! I think i was around, let's see, erm..16-17 years old then? I look terrible.
Hmm..but when i was scrutinizing the old photos, i now realise on retrospect that my lack of confidance could actually be seen so clearly. I was like slouching and i looked so totally insecure. I guess i really have to stand taller now. Cant have anymore ugly photos can i? haha, vanity speaks louder than words in my case. :)
I just realised that people actually visit my weblog. How truly amazing! I only realised it today. Too bad the tag board doesn't put a date/time stamp on every entry. I have no idea who (really) visited when. Hm, they should really invent a tag board that has a date/time/IP address stamp. This way i will know for sure who's who.
And btw Mr Limpeh ( I shall not expose your true identity here), i am not "cannot make it". Exactly what do you mean by "cannot make it"? My page or my bike skills? Never die before izzit??? Next time you go learn ballet lah...see whether you can "make it" or not. Huh!
XxX,
audrey at 01:14
0 lamb droppings
Wednesday, May 07, 2003
Good evening..I had my second bike lesson today and i must say that it went much better than the first. For starters, i dropped my bike far less than the last time and i wasn't the last to finish this time either. :)
Anyway, i learnt how to go up to 4th gear today and im pretty happy with my own performance..at least i have figured out how to stop properly now. Haha! Left leg down first before coming to a complete stop! The only problem now is how to make sure i am in the correct gear? I keep forgetting which gear am i in...too bad there's no signal or something that lets me know what gear i am in. According to my instructor, i have to learn how to listen to the machine in order to know whether to go up or down. Hm...He also said we shouldn't count which gear we are at but should depend on feeling. Tough.
Anyway, i am really happy i embarked on this learning journey. I really feel good everytime i progress. Heh. On to rock climbing next!
Tomorrow i am going to all my 4 theory lessons so i can quickly take my RTT so i can get my PDL. That way, i needn't be held back by my theory next time.
I am so happy. I really cannot aptly describe the feeling when i made my bike go..when i finally managed to figure out how to work the gears properly..when i discovered how to come to a stop without dropping my bike. Unfortunately, i still cannot put my bike on the main stand quickly. Its kinda embarassing cuz its like the most basic thing..and i really wish i could practice on someone's bike first. Unfortunately, i dunno anyone whose bike has a mainstand. Sigh.
Ahh...i am already dreaming of the day i pass. Boy, will i really feel a sense of achievement then. Oh, btw, i miscounted my bruises yesterday. i didn't have seven. I have nine instead. I find it strange that i am covered in bruises..it didn't even really hurt at that time. Oh, here's one more reason why i am so happy: I didn't get a single bruise today!! Yay!
Ok, i need to turn in now. gotta be there by 835am tomo.
Be well. :)
XxX,
audrey at 23:24
0 lamb droppings
Monday, May 05, 2003
helo.i just had my first bike lesson in my life and it was a total disaster! Haha..i think i am really too small and not really cut out for riding bikes. But what the hell, there's nothing you cant do if you put your mind to it and well, if u have sufficient $. Hehe. Don't worry. I still love bikes. :)
Actually, the lesson wasn't sooooo bad. The only thing was that i kept dropping my bike and that got kinda embarassing after a while cuz i seemed to be the only one dropping my bike so often. And it was really often. Fortunately, at that point in time, i was too busy concentrating on getting my bike to move to really care about being embarassed. I think my instructors got pretty fedup and tired of helping me pick my bike up. Haha, i guess i really got my money's worth today man..haha, i really made my instructors do work. Heh.
So here's what happened:
I arrived at SSDC at 11am and went for my orientation. Thank God there was another female who was really friendly and we managed to "cham xiong" (for the uninitiated, it means to find a fren in adversity and feel better cuz we're in the same boat). The orientation was good, i understood everything and at that point, things were really smooth sailing (maybe because we only had to listen and not do anything). But boy oh boy, at 12.45pm, we were on to our first practical. Now, I'd like to point out what i think is unfair.
Number 1: The bikes are too BIG! I could hardly touch the ground. I had to practically go on the balls of my feet. Like that how to balance??? Cannot balance, drop bike lah. Drop bike then fail lesson lah. Fail lesson means blow another $20 and come back another day lor.
Number 2: Bikes are designed for a right handed world. I had SO much difficulty putting the bloody main stand up. Im left handed you see and you got to pull real hard with your right hand. So, cannot lah. Actually, i could do it but it really took much more effort than required.
Damnit. I think i just need to be bigger and right-handed. *piqued*
Oh btw, i got like (wait, lemme count).... SEVEN bruises. Yes, seven. Two of which are the size of small oranges. Pretty bad huh? MY right leg hurts when i put weight on it becuz of this GIANT of a bruise above my ankle. Man oh man. I just realised that all my guy frens were lying when they said i didn't have to worry about the bike crushing me. Huh! It didn't exactly crush me, but i hurt pretty bad now. Ow.
Erm, we had to learn how to engage neutral and 1st gear today. Supposed to have learnt 2nd gear too but got nowhere near there. I was made to forwards and backwards for an hour to figure out how to get the bike going and to not drop my bike. Basically, the one hour went something like this:
Instructor: K, open throttle, GO! Left leg up. Leg UP!
Me: Ok, left leg..left leg...erm...Left leg Up..Got it!
*wobble wobble*
Instructor: Okay! CLOSE throttle! Clutch in. BRAKE!!!
Me: Okay....left leg up now..time to stop so need to clutch in, back brake, front brake..steady steady..whoops..yikes..uh oh...CRASH!
Yeah..that was pretty much what was going on in my head for most of the lesson. Apart from that, i was dripping sweat and wondering at the same time if my makeup was all ruined. (i know what you are thinking..why the hell am i thinking about makeup when im learning bike right? Besides, nobody is gonna look at me right now. Especially since the bike keeps dropping)
But..i managed in the end to go a few rounds in first gear and didn't drop my bike there. Phew! I think i only drop it when i am stationary or when i need to push it. That's when the weight really proves too much for me.
Ah well, i signed myself up for a repeat session on weds. Hopefully i won't be aching too much then.
Righty then, im like mighty tired from all the physical exertions and i guess i'll be turning in now. Wish me luck ok? :)
XxX,
audrey at 23:25
0 lamb droppings
Friday, May 02, 2003
Hiyeeeeeeeeeeeee!My exams are officially over!!!!!!!!!!
AND....i have also (finally) signed up at SSDC for my bike course...yippee!! Hah! I've proven that it wasnt all hot air that i was keen to learn. Im really really excited. My first lesson is on monday..hee!! But im also a little apprehensive cuz well, the bikes are alot bigger than me. :)