Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Yippee! Exams are OVER!
Hi!!! As you can tell, my exams are OVER! Hurray! Anyway, i did the most ridiculous thing to so-called 'celebrate' the end of my torture of surviving exam stress..
i went clubbing on a monday night. At first, it didn't seem silly cuz nothing can feel silly when you have finally finished your last paper. Absolutely nothing. The feeling of being free is just fantastic. BUT, when we actually arrived at MS, it was a totally different story. It was like a ghost town. Literally.
For starters, Dblo isn't open on Mondays. For the unintiated, it isn't open on tuesdays either. But I swear that they used to open for business 7 days a week..and they had a different music genre every night. Oh well...its either i have a
bad memory, or the
door bitch was lying when she said they had never opened on mons and tues ever.
Anyhow, me and my friends decided to try out
mdm wong after mulling over ( for damned long too. 30 mins is waaaaay too long a time to take to make a decision! bah!) whether to stay in the ghost town, or retreat to some
sedate, boring and mundane coffee joint. May i say, Singapore just has too many coffee places. Anyone would think that Singaporeans had nothing better to do than sit at coffee joints, nurse their lattes and gossip. Really. An overseas friend ever commented that there's nothing to do in Singapore except shop, club, eat and sit at coffee places. So sad. Okay, maybe not sad per se but
embarassing. I stand corrected.
Anyhow, we finally headed to mdm wong
after counting that at least had 10 people had gone in.
Nothing is worse than going to a good club that is empty. Why? You'd think it'd be worse to go to a bad club? Nope. That's where you're wrong. Since it's already a bad club, u'd already be expecting a bad experience..since u must have had a bad experience in the first place to label the place as B.A.D. On the other hand, going to a great place with the wrong atmosphere is a total good-past-experience killer. Anyhow, we were pleasantly surprised to see a mini crowd in mdm wong. Unfortunately, nobody was dancing and what better way to shake off any remants of stress than to boogie? So...after downing a bucket of Bacardi Breezers, we headed off for greener pastures. So guess where we went? No prizes for getting the right answer! It's too easy.
Haha. Guess
my roots run deep. We headed for
Angel. A techno club that i have never been to before. Yes, it IS an Ah Beng place. And yes, there IS a
mirror. But you know what, i totally dig clubs that have mirrors. Firstly, you get to check out if u look like a squid on fire. More importantly however, is to be able to snigger at those poseurs who stare so intently at the mirror trying to perfect their dance moves in public. Someone should really tell those losers that practicing thier dance moves in front of mirrors should be strictly limited to the 4 walls in their bedroom. Or maybe the toilet would be a more apt choice.
Anyhow, u'd be pleased to know we didn't dally long and left by 0130hrs. ;)
XxX,
audrey at 23:49
Thursday, November 25, 2004
a bad girl...
Okay..finally. It's thursday. A breather at long last. Which also officially means, I have only have to last till mon before my exams are OVER. 2 more papers...just 2 more....*groan* And some
good people are already
DONE with theirs! It just isn't fair! Humph!
Anyhow..i don't intend to study at all today..okay..make that tonight. Plan to watch Sex and the city, drinking my favourite
Sydney Cider (you ppl should really try it. Its alcholic and tastes really yummy! I'm not kidding! and best of all, it costs less than 5 bucks! And I'm not saying this because im being cheapskate) and blogging.
I've been a bad girl. My mom bought me these Tillands aka Airplants and i didn't water them. Hardy little things that only need
misting about 2-3 times a week. Unfortunately, I forgot to water them and they kinda shrivelled up. Oops. So, i had to dunk them in water. And guess what? I promptly forgot to take them out (im only supposed to leave them in for an hour). Am I horrid or what? Currently, they are recuperating on my window sill after experiencing
severe dehydration, water torture and ferocious shaking (that's because i needed to get the water out of their crevices. Otherwise they'd rot). Wow. That's quite alot to recover from. More torture in a day than I think i will experience in my entire life...
hopefully.
AND, my hamster died and i didn't even get to pet it for the last time. I was thinking of playing with it but decided against it and chose to study for my papers instead. And now its gone. Sigh. Why do these things always happen to me? And i didn't even have time to bury it because I was rushing off to an exam. I'm such a bad person.
Anyhow..I was browsing through my friend's blog and noted that she wished that her relationship with her bf was more unstable. (before you start thinking she's crazy, i just want to say..she's
NOT) What a wish! And you know what was the funniest thing? I have always envied her stable-as-a-rock relationship, in which she has a super-patient-rich-and-relatively-cute boyfriend. Damnit. This is the
classic case of "
the grass is greener on the other side". Ah well...tidak apa apa lah.
XxX,
audrey at 23:01
Sunday, November 21, 2004
Reliving my techno days...and a tribute to my ex!
I'm supposed to be studying for my bahasa test..oops, should relabelled as
EXAM tomo but just cant seem to get into the mood. I'm doing everything else except study. Which is very bad. Very bad indeed.
Right now, i'm listening to a techno track in a cd given to me by my ex-BF. For kicks, I put the disc into the CD player and..I was instantly transported back to the year
1999. The phrase in my life when i was perpetually geared in killer platforms (k, its a little embarrassing to admit it now..but i
was a great fan of platforms. No prizes for guess why.) and a micro-mini top. To think about it, I've come a long way, baby. Can't decide if there's a hidden ah lian in me somewhere..or is this another no-brainer question? Hmm..haha! I guess there must be!
Recently, I've been dogged by
nostalgia. Sorry, I know..I'm sorta flogging a dead horse but i really can't help it. And hey! It's
MY blog! :P I guess I'm finally coming to terms that Edmund is really dead and gone. It's been about 8 months since he passed away. Frankly, it is difficult for me to pass a day without thinking of him. Okay, this seems like the ultimate emotional betrayal to my current squeeze, but I really can't help it. It's not as if I want to get back, I don't. I just find it really sad that he's gone. I really don't know what is it that I find sad...we had not been in contact for more than a year before his death so there's really nothing of him to miss from my life. So what is it??
I guess, it is the
finality of death that really gets me.
There's always a second chance in life but none in death. Failed your exams? Just repeat the bloody year.
Got dumped? Win him back. What the heck, if you're really pissed, just slap the bugger and move on.
Got fired? Get another job.
Didn't succeed today? You can always try again tomorrow. I know this sounds really cliched and old, but there's no tomorrow for edmund.
I guess I really can't accept the fact that there's no turning back. No way of saying "thanks for all the good times, and that i forgive you now for being the bastard that caused me sleepless nights". No possibility of ever bumping into him in the streets with the girl he dumped me for and bitch about it to my gfs later. No chance. Zero possibility. Zilch.
It really
shit to listen to a song that we shared ( I can still imagine doing a silly boogie in the privacy of his room when my favourite techno song played), walk past a KTV joint, smell Hugo Dark Blue perfume, see a Phantom et cetera et cetera... and realize that
while I have all the chances in the world to do anything now and again in the future, someone else has already lived his life and used up all his chances.
And really, what's the point of reminiscing when there's nothing I can do about it? Ppl always say that I should just let the past go, but
should i really? Currently, my ex is nothing but a memory. If i let that go, what becomes of him in
a world that only has time for the here and now. Take it easy? I'm cool.
But this makes me wonder, when you are dead and gone, what do people remember you for? It's a really interesting question to ponder..when you are dead bored of course (no pun intended). Me? Well...I dunno.
Maybe I want to be remembered for my hyena laugh. My craziness. Zest for life. Silliness. Squeakiness. Long rebonded hair. Makeup. Frankness. Looking good (okay, so maybe more for thinking that i look good. Reality bites.) Fun. Nonsensical. Rubbishy. For being helpful. Being emotional. Love of shopping. Looking like an Ah Lian. Working for Starhub. Headstrong. Contradictory. Whiny. My siemens SL55 and cranky HP laptop.
Kk, enough. I sound like I'm going to die soon too.
Choy! And double CHOY! *bangs table for extra luck and protection*
Ahh..I feel better now. Since I can't say it to him, the next best recourse is to say it here... Thanks for the good times, you stupid bastard. I'll see u again in a few decades.
XxX,
audrey at 15:33
Saturday, November 20, 2004
a poison tree..
A poison tree
I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.
And I water'd it in fears,
Night & morning with my tears;
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.
And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright;
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine,
And into my garden stole
When the night had veil'd the pole:
In the morning glad I see
My foe outstretch'd beneath the tree.
I was surfing the net when i stumbled upon this excellent poem by William Blake. Really brilliant. How succintly he sums up the politics of "friendship".. Makes you wonder how many times have you been stabbed in the back and not know it, huh? Hmm..
XxX,
audrey at 18:01
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
yohanna's the best!
Who's the best? Yohanna of course! She's SO gorgeous. Sigh. I wish i had such chistled features. Damn it.
XxX,
audrey at 02:06
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
camile's out! yay!
hi guys.
just wanna to express my elation over the fact that Camile has just been booted off America's next top model season 2. Yay. That nasty know-it-all-i'm-so-great bitch is gone and away. Yay.
Okay. Nothing more. That's just all i have to say for now. :P
XxX,
audrey at 02:13
Saturday, November 13, 2004
summary of my encounter w the 3rd kind aka PLAGGY! *round of applause*
Update time! Remember Plaggy? Well...i got sick of exchanging insults after a while, and blocked him on friendster. At this point, he doesn't know it yet so maybe he'll reply to my message. But guess what? Cuz i blocked him, he can't! *clap hands in glee* Bet that'd infuriate the nasty bugger. Maybe he'll take it here. Hmm....then everyone will have a show to see. Haha..Anyway,
here's the long and short of our eventful exchanges:
P:You sure talk alot abt urself dont u haha
A: r u high on something? i dun even know you. and btw, ur intro isn't so short either..and its not even original.
P: Firstly im always high...arnt we all...oxygen does that to us if u think abt it....if u can think :)secondly i know u dont know me...but do i care? i know u would be dumb enough to reply to me ..which u proved me right...duh. Lastly ...i have not much time like u to blabber shit abt myself ...so i rather go with somthing i adore...a movie or such.....but for u guys...friendster n allt hat abt urself shit...its virtual prostitution at its worse......bother making friends & caring if ppl know u....give me a break....are u that sad? cant u get a friend in reality ? now hush....u wanna lash out at me...think b4 u do so....cause im good at it...i really m
A: so y did u join if u think this is all a waste of time? you sure replied quick for someone who thinks friendster is bullshit. you sure are an interesting specimen. Don't think you seem to know what you really want..in the same sentence that u blast my ass off, you add a smiley. So what the heck are you trying to get across? Make up your mind.
Please don't come lord it over me. Don't generalize me as 'you guys' when you don't know me. Don't tell me I have no friends when you are not even my aquaintence. Don't tell me I'm lashing out at you when the first thing you say to me is that i talk alot about myself. Finally, don't tell me im dumb and can't think just because i replied..that's just saying you're dumb too. Afterall, you replied to my msg, didn't you?I'm not into flaming, so yeah..maybe you are good at lashing out at someone. I'm just telling you....WHATEVER.
P: Firstly darl..i reply fast cause im an IT person...as u can read from my profile....but nvm that i forgive u...secondly i type fast...& lastly my mind works fast to such simple rebutts...u dont give me any challenge....Now i joined friendster for a reason to look at the state of humanity at the moment...how they whore themselves out to the virtual world....n u know that means non existing...but i have no time or patience to get my picture scanned or bother type a composition abt myself like u did.
Now ill get to u. 1) same sentence that u blast my ass off, you add a smiley. ...im sorry that u needed to be spoonfed such information....n maybe thats what im doing...making u use ur freaking mind for a change...its been long i suppose since u did that.
** Sorry guys, i lost the rest of what he said in this post.
A: you make me laugh...I seriously have no idea what the hell is your motive..if your reason of coming onto friendster is just to "look at the state of humanity at the moment", you certainly did more than have just a peek. maybe you're jus stressed out at work and want an outlet..or you just like pissing ppl off online cuz you can't say shit to your manager. or maybe you just have something against females...or arts undergrads so you can't resist telling me im dumb. i dunno. the web is filled with weirdos. what can i say?
Ahh...don't bother to reply. I already know what you're gonna say..you're just gonna say im dumb..or i cant think...or i'm so stupid i dun present you a challenge. *yawn* it gets boring after a while. But okay..i'll just go along with what you say...you are of course entitled to your own opinion. I'm not like some who rammed stuff down the throat of those who don't look at the world in the same way they do. Think what you like..but perhaps you'd kindly keep your thoughts to yourself in future.
P: hhahahahahahh!!!!! U know wats the saddest part abt urself??? you are contradicting...look.1) maybe you're jus stressed > out at work <<<<> pissing ppl off online cuz you can't say shit to your > manager. << against females...or arts undergrads so you can't > resist telling me im dumb <<<> with weirdos. what can i say? <<<> you're gonna say.. <<<> opinion. I'm not like some who rammed stuff > down the throat of those who don't look at the > world in the same way they do. Think what you > like.. <<<<<
A: my dear boy..its contradictory, not contradicting...i would have thought a GRADUATE like yourself should know the difference. I believe there's a case of the pot calling the kettle black here...you say i need to study somemore and here we have a so-called consultant who can't spell??? Oh my...and wait..it gets better!Oh pls, doesn't our world function on assumptions? Or to echo your words, "can't you think"? I'm sure u assume u'll still have ur job tomo and that the sun will rise. Who knows? C'mon. Assuming = fucking up? If you really think so, you're way too uptight man! Oh btw, operating by your logic, you fucked up too. I'm contradictory and therefore sad? And you are not? hahaha...think again! You just assumed "maybe" i "cant get any friends in reality". Enough said.Don't you have better things to do than to reply the msgs of a "mortal of lower birth"? Say..concentrate on your career??? Don't you have a family to start and a future to think about? I guess you're not that much higher up then. So, wake up! Me? Afterall, I'm a student, and in your opinion, a child...so yeah, i have plenty of time. I believe i have the perfect excuse (since in your book, im dumb, a child and friendless) to engage in this childish game of insults. Can't say the same for you though, O mighty above-my-league god!Ah..neway, i think our story should end here. In conclusion? I just think u are a petty, bored and lonely man. Get a life. It'd do u good. Ciao!
Okay, that's it. :D
XxX,
audrey at 01:52
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
in my defense...
heloo.
I'm surprised that there are ppl who even know the existence of this blog ( i never vist links on friendster or in email signatures) and actually take the time to visit it. Well then, thank you very much..i was under the impression nobody visted this site. Ever.
I'd just like to set some things straight..regarding one of my previous posts..since i've received an email from a concerned friend..So dear P.D., here's my rejoinder to ur query...
Well...I guess the answer is yes, to your question. It would be hypocritical if i lied (though that'd b infinitly easier) when the answer is obvious. But (yes, there's always a
but somewhere), i hope you read the following before you pass judgement.
The post was written without malice and without the intention to offend. It just is my personal opinion of the
way aka method of presentation used. Well...it's not as if i don't like her, i do. The truth be told, its been so long since we last got together, i don't know
enough of her to
really dislike or like her. It's just strange to me becuz her dual images presented can't really be reconciled. Perhaps i received more than just a rude shock when i had a peek into her blog aka online diary. It just didn't seem v like her. Then again. I guess i can say again that I hardly know her well. Anyway, I don't think you'd disagree with me that her presentation is indeed very bitchy indeed.
Maybe you'd say that it's unfair to pass judgement on someone whom im not close to..well, for that, i'll offer my sincere apologies. On the other hand, when one chooses to post controversial issues, it'd hard not to have detractors. So, really...one should be prepared to get all and any kinds of comments. All im saying is, when a highly biased opinion is presented, well...it really isn't very fair to the guy who's being criticized. Y'know what i mean? I just don't like that.
As for the hypocritical part, i wasn't refering to our dear friend. I was just speaking in general. However, on hindsight, i think i didn't phrase it too well...so yeah..im sorry for any confusion caused. And no, im not lying to get myself of this...so.......
Hope this clears the air somewhat. Dont' read too much into the crap i write. It's just basically crap..and well, shd remain that. So yeah..cya around P.D!
XxX,
audrey at 01:16
Sunday, November 07, 2004
world wide weirdo...
Yo!
Ahh..life has been interesting for the last week of so. Oops...should I say online life instead? Haha..for the benefit of the idiosyncratic fella who's been sending me msgs via friendster..this post is dedicated to
you my dear
DaPlague.. Since now i know you seem to have an interest in my online activities and have checked out my blog as well. Let now now proceed to recount the past week (don't get your hopes up now, not everyone is as free as you are
Plaggy...you really don't mind me calling you that do you?? :D)
So...there i was, minding my own business like the good girl i am...being busy with work and school and everything else dear in my life..i decided to log onto friendster. Now..as everyone knows...friendster is fast becoming
so passe...but hey..i guess there are always some stragglers in every race. Y'know..for all this time, i have been taking friendster at face value..a mere tool that allows for instant (and perhaps a certain degree of detachment) communication. Then pops up dear Plaggy who then changes everything.
Now this guy..oh..he's the
REAL deal...old (he's 26 btw...although he may be lying about his age) and filled with angst. Okay..so 26 isn't thaaaat old..but i do think that he's really old to be filled with so much angst! So..to me..he's old. haha..old and
jaded. Which is kinda
sad. To cut to the chase, our guy here entered my life when he posted a simple (and if i may say, rather rude and tactless aka insulting) message via friendster. Of course, our dear friend would rather label it as a harmless comment..but then again..who ever likes to admit that they're wrong? I digress. Anyhow...I guess we must got off on the wrong foot (hmm..or maybe this guy only has 2 left feet! haha) cuz now we're just reduced trading insults with each other online.
He thinks that friendster and most online interaction is stupid. He views blogging, friendster and related online activities as, in his words, "
virtual prostitution". Naturally, being really one track minded, he goes on to make the sweeping statement that anyone who partakes in his so-defined "whoring" activities are
stupid, dumb and have no RL friends. Can you get that? And guess what line of work Plaggy's in?
It's IT for god's sakes! Isn't that a hoot? Ah well..i guess in life, you can't have both the cake and eat it.
Anyhow..he goes on to tell me how stupid I am in every message he sends me. It appears that this guy
loves running people down...can't tell if he's doing it because he's offended at me..or if he just feels good to be able to blast someone off for a change. But overall, he appears to be angry at the world and i happen to be a good target practice. I don't want to spoil it for you Plaggy, but i really think you are hilarious. Your impotent rage and all. Nothing more than another weirdo i happen to stumble across online.
And to give the devil its due..i guess my brain has been in disuse for some time...an interesting fact considering that im studying in the top 18th university in the world (no, im not making this up. My university is really that good)...and well... he's ridiculous accusations and insults does make me think in a different way that im used to. Wanna know in what way? The direct, tactless and cutting way. Too long i've been sugar coating my words to cater to those who have delicate sensitivities. With Plaggy...haha..there's just no need to hold back. He just doesn't extend the same courtesy of being nice. So its kinda refreshing. Annoying but interesting.
For your info Plaggy, if you are still reading, online networking and interpersonal activity isn't as meaningless and cheap as you think it is. It isn't all virtual prostitution and whoring. Go to the library and dig up some books by Turkle on online interaction
then talk to me again. Don't believe me? Tell that to a hacker and see what happens the next time you come online. Also Plaggy, it'd do you good to
check up on what mass and popular culture really is. The majority of movies made nowadays are catered to the masses. Though I hate to say it (becuz its so discriminatory), the masses can be defined as a homogeneous unthinking mob. So your interest in movies aren't really as eclectic, more worthwhile or as different from posting stuff online.
Geez, i really hate it when people pretend they are an expert and talk about something they don't really know about. Haha...which reminds me of a Singlish term..ya ya papaya. Childish? Who cares? The description fits!
K, I think i've gone on enough about Plaggy. I'll see what he comes up next and will post again!
XxX,
audrey at 22:25
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
help with html shit
hey..
decided that since my service pack is taking its time installing itself, i might as well come back here anyway.
Okay. Anybody any good with html? As you can see, this page sux. I haven't a clue how to move my list of topics upward. Anyone willing to help?
XxX,
audrey at 02:10
Hi.
Well..its certainly been long...didn't intend to blog anymore but was suddenly pleasantly surprised to receive an email from an anonymous person asking me why wasn't I blogging anymore..So here I am. Oh, and the fact that I'm waiting for a service pack to install (which just BTW is taking FOREVER!) helps.
Hmm...an interesting question. Why haven't i been blogging? Don't worry. I'm still alive and kicking...if that's what you're wondering... :D
Well...first off, I've been quite busy this semester..which is weird...cuz im in arts and shouldn't be. Heehee.. Secondly...well...i just felt that all my input was crap. In fact, it was so crappy that even
I couldn't bear to read it..so how can I present to the world my incoherent ramblings? Well...they are coherent in my mind..'cept till I try to explain in words what I'm thinking..and then things just get scramble..Hmm....No good!
Other reasons? Haha...the above reasons are so boring! *yawn* I can't believe I'm boring myself! Aw man....Actually there just isn't any real good reason. I just don't have much to say anymore..and well..the layout of the page refused to work with me...I can't work with ugliness! :P
So...how've I been? Two words can sum it up -
bored and
boring
I can't decided if growing up means that your interests become more boring (which appears to be, in my case) or because you have so stuff to do that you become boring (which also applies quite well to me) ... In anycase, I think I'm slowly edging towards becoming the
most boring person on earth. I can actually say that
I don't like clubbing much anymore. Hey! That's quite a feat for me, you know? It wasn't that long ago that I remember wondering to myself how people could ever stop wanting to club. Hmm...now I know better! hahaha...
And I'm so bored! Erm..yeah, i know..i'm always bored...but this, my dear, is seriously
the epitome of boredness! I mean...well...I'm just so sick of doing the same old same old day in day out...and I'm actually watching TV. Anybody who knows me knows I don't watch TV. But I am now. Urgh. And my exams are coming..so going out makes me feel guilty..what the hell??!!?!
I think i need some help. So....
HELP!
XxX,
audrey at 01:36