Thursday, April 28, 2005
nobody here
check out this site
www.nobodyhere.com !!!
It's so nice. I wish i could do up a page like that.
XxX,
audrey at 13:43
screw it.
I think i'm screwed up. I also think i have led a really screwed up life. Emotionally, that is. How? Well, i'll get to that part in good time. Anyway...
I was reading my friend's blog yday..and came across this particular post that had something to do with backstabbing. She also asked how hypocrites could sleep at night for saying untrue and nasty things about other people.
First and foremost, i
fully sympathize with my friend. Because i live such a screwed up life, I'm sure that there's
alot of stuff that i am sure is circulating around about me (which i, fortunately, have yet to find out) of which i am also sure isn't really very pleasant at all. But then again, I ask myself...
if i had led my life in another way (and by that i mean the little miss goody-two-shoes way),
would there be less to go around for the gossip mongers?Now, I have no idea what has been said about my friend..and i am not defending anybody here nor am i supporting any particular claim against my friend (yes, i decided putting up disclaimers are generally a good idea.) but i am of the opinion that generally what goes around comes around. If it isn't true then there's no point being so bothered by it. You're just wasting energy chasing down rubbish. Besides, your true friends will know what's real and what isn't. If they can't tell...then what sort of friends are they? Get rid of them!If you are worried about what your future friends think of you, then seriously...why make friends with people who have an ear glued to the grapevine all the time and who don't take the time to ascertain the facts?
We don't need a multitude of casual aquaintences. What we really need is just a handful of true friends. I'm glad to say that i have found mine. You guys know who you are. :)
In my humble opinion, it is the easiest to laugh off and ignore the
untrue bad stuff said about you. What is really really much harder is to swallow the bad stuff that you
really did when it hits you in the face. It's quite hard to deny something when your face turns red because you
are guilty you know. At least
i haven't mastered the trick yet. Pointers, anyone? I'm just awaiting the day that all my dark secrets come tumbling out of my closet.
Anyway, as i was saying...i lead a really screwed up life. Academically wise, i think i've done fairly well. At least i'm graduating with a degree this semester. Unfortunately, everytime i think back about what i have done in the past (and some of the stuff i am doing now), i can't help but cringe.
And the worst part is, i don't really think i am any the wiser for it either. Shit.
It's really difficult to move on into the future when the past keeps pestering you, you know.
XxX,
audrey at 01:58
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
a break at last...
finally i can have a break between my papers...ahhhhh.
I met up with esther to supposedly buy shoes for my trip to taiwan...but the dear girl forgot that she had a driving lesson..so i was abandoned and left to my own devices in her room.
As a result of extreme boredom (and upon her recommendation and assurance that it would be really funny), i found myself at steven lim's homepage.
Okay..i know. Singapore idol has long past but it is only now that i realise that steven lim has a webpage of his own. And it
is hilarious.
I won't be a spoiler. Do go check it out if u are in dire need for a laugh.
Ciao.
XxX,
audrey at 17:41
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
magazines
i was just browsing through a past copy of fhm and came across this article teaching men how to pleasure women. After reading through it, I decided that most of the advice given was really good. In fact, it was spot on. I think fhm employs women writers for such articles.
Anyway, I thought that it was interesting that although fhm dispenses alot of such information in its magazines and lots of guys read fhm, it remains a fact that
most men are poor lovers. Hmmz...evidently you guys are
not applying what you read. Read more.
Now.After thinking about this somemore, i realised that women's magazines seldom talk about such issues. It's always about relationships..how to dump the guy, how to forget the jerk..and blah blah blah.
How come there's nothing about how to make your guy happy in the department downstairs??? There is just limited information about how to turn your guy on. Now don't get me wrong, im no closet pervert but i ain't miss holy innocent either.
Or are men just so easy to manipulate that we dun need help? wahahaha.
Sorry, i think being stuck at home because of the exams is driving me mad. I apologise.
XxX,
audrey at 15:11
Saturday, April 23, 2005
pictures
Well, well...what do you know? I discovered (yes, i know..im technologically late again) that i can show the world my pictures. :) So now, there's a link where you can take a look at my pictures. ;p
XxX,
audrey at 21:53
Friday, April 22, 2005
Would you...?
Earlier on today, I thought about one of my previous posts, and i decided that people
sometimes cheat simply because the
opportunity presents itself andthey just cant resist.A simple example would suffice.
Suppose you need to pee..like really badly..and so you rush for the loo. Inside, after relieving yourself, you find a handphone. Now..it's that really nice phone you've always wanted but never bought for some reason or other. Nobody else is in the toilet. You wait 5 minutes (although
i wouldn't. i'd just off the damn phone. I'm not that honest!)... but nobody comes banging on your door looking for the phone.
Would you keep it?Similarly,
would people be more likely to cheat if they were presented with the opportunity? Sometimes, its not because you don't want to cheat..but rather, there is no opportunity. I mean i could really like this guy..but if he doesn't return the hots for me, i'd just have no choice but to forget it...right? But suppose the opportunity presented itself, suppose this guy i've been eyeing tells me in the most affirmative way that he likes me too and takes concrete steps to prove it...would i still say no?
Maybe not. Of course if u are madly in love with your partner, the answer would be a definite no. But, how often are we still madly in love with our significant other after being together for some time? Becoming disillusioned and more realistic is one thing, but that coupled with lovers quarrels and unresolved issues, finding someone new at your disposal is sometimes really just escapism.
Resisting temptation is hard and i will admit that i have never been really very good at it either.
The only thing that usually holds me back is the
threat of being found out. And how my bf may kill me. I had an ex. once who really threatened to kill and/or disfigure me...not pleasant at all. Oh...and Aids is pretty scary too. I don't want to die ugly and in pain. Oh, and what would i do if the world found out about it too. Usually, these tactics work to hold me in check. Usually.
So really...it's not always in the name of love that people stay faithful, you know.
XxX,
audrey at 02:00
Thursday, April 21, 2005
mich has a blog
mich has finally got a blog..(she's now one of us. hahahahaa *evil laughter*)...and i just wanted to declare that to the world.
There.
XxX,
audrey at 18:46
more on love...and affairs.
Is it possible for a man to claim that he
loves a woman but have
affairs anyway? I always thought the answer would be a resounding "NO" but it seems otherwise now.
Of course im
not saying that
all men cheat and that all men are sorry asses..im just saying that i'm becoming more and more cynical, day by day.
I know of people who claim that they have found
"the one" (yuck. i hate that term. I don't believe in soul mates. What about people who got married and their spouse unfortunately died? When they remarry after 20 years of mourning, do they call their second spouse "the two"? They don't. "The one" is still "the one".
Which makes this term rubbish.) but at the same time, carry out flings. The fella can spend lots of money (and sometimes effort) on his girl but boldly solicit sex and other forms of unacceptable behavior from other girls. I just can't understand it.
And this behavior shows up on more than just one individual..mind you. So its not really a sweeping statement.
Just that most of these jerks are quite good at hiding their tails..so you wouldn't really be able to tell. And what is worse is that because nobody knows, they all think that he's a gentleman and
really dotes on his gf.
**Pui!!!** They couldn't be any farther from the truth.
I don't see the point of spending hundreds of dollars on a girl that you supposedly love, and run the risk of wasting all the money u spent on her when she finds out that you've been cheating. It's so duh! So what's love? In my opinion,
it's just guilt money.
I like guilt money. Sorry..i meant that i
sometimes like
receiving guilt money. Why? Well, not only do i get to scream my head off (i can scream as loud as i want too, because i am right and he is wrong. hahaha!), make him do stuff he hates that i love, demand (and actually get it) lots of attention and best of all, i get to go shopping. Haha.
And he can't complain. Otherwise double the punishment! So it does sometimes pay to
pretend to be stupid..and weak. Throwing in some tears helps too.
Hey..i suffered emotional trauma okay?! I am most justified now to throw a tantrum.
I digress.
So, do guys really view sex and love as two completely different things? I know that women (okay, for most women at least. Samantha from Sex and the City is not a good example and therefore does not count.) equate sex with love. While i hate to admit it, but agreeing to go to bed with someone is like a submission thingy for women. But i guess with guys, since the ancient times, it's just a competition of the sowing the most seeds.
XxX,
audrey at 01:09
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
friends.
i believe that i have been deleted from one of my friend's (or would it more apt to say "ex-friend" now?) msn list..and my contact number has been wiped off his mobile phone memory.
Not that it really matters...he and i weren't that close anyway. What really struck me as odd was that people can and will still resort to such
childish acts even at our age (btw, this ex-friend is older than me..in case u were wondering). It's like the "i don't want to friend you anymore" shit we used to do in kindergarden.
How sad.This led me to contemplate what friendship truly means. Would you hit the delete key on your true friend..someone with whom u had a real relationship with..someone who u treasured and someone who was part of your life? I don't think so.
Would you cut someone out of ur life with an sms? An sms that goes something to this effect..."i spoke to XX about you..and don't worry, i won't bother you anymore. you are a wonderful person. Take care."
What the...?!!!
I say a true friend would at least come ascertain the truth of the matter and slog it out. Sure, we'd fight but no relationship is perfect. Fair-weathered friends would just listen to the grapevine and go running..they'd not care if it were the truth or not. Much less stay to work stuff out.
Anyway, i've been deleted..and i wonder if the said person would still visit my blog to poke his nose into my life still. Voyeur!
All i know is that i don't value people who listen to the grapevine and as the chinese saying goes...you can't collect back splashed out water.
XxX,
audrey at 16:10
Monday, April 18, 2005
to love or not to love...that is the question.
Have you ever wondered, why do we love the people we love? They say love is blind...which i totally agree with...but has anyone said love is stupid?
Seriously. I really think
love drives rationality out of the window. Totally. We all act like fools when it comes to love.
The only time when we make proper, rational decisions is when we have one foot out of the door already.
Back to my question. Why do we love the people we love? Is it the combination of traits that we deem as desirable? Is it the looks? The money and power? Phermones? Or all? If we met someone else with a similar combination, why wouldn't we then jump ship?
Call me jaded, but i think we are all together with that supposedly significant other not because we really really really love them, but because of
cognitive dissonance. We give so much (because of the initial infatuation and a million other reasons) in the beginning to make this relationship work. But in the end, can't get ourselves out of the relationship without admitting that we were
stupid from the very start. Nobody like to admit to anyone, least of all to themselves, that they are/were/have been stupid. Trust me. It's really difficult to
honestly admit to yourself that what you did was wrong and you've been making a total fool of yourself. Even when the truth slaps you in the face, you will still deny it. At least i know i do. So what can we do? Just carry on, i guess.
Maybe i don't know what's love all about..but until someone can convince me otherwise,
love = cognitive dissonance.
If love is not stupid, then we must be.
XxX,
audrey at 14:11
Friday, April 15, 2005
lingerie...anyone?
I've been driving myself
crazy looking at all the stuff for sale at Victoria Secret since yesterday. I have decided that I really love everything there..and if there was a choice between owning the world or victoria secret..VS would just win hands down. Haha. So much for world domination, i guess.
I dunno.
I just loooovve lingerie. Don't you? It's just so pretty!
Can't tell if i love the stuff at vs because the models are already smoking (say "smoking" in your best jim carrey
"the mask" voice) so naturally anything that they wear just looks hot (by association) or what..but whatever it is...I LOVE VICTORIA SECRET!
Do i look good in VS? Well, all i can say is that im working on it. hahahaah.
Anyhow..after spending so much time thinking about what i wanna buy and after eliciting similar responses from other females (i was trying to entice ppl to share shipping costs with me. haha.),
I started to question the purpose of buying such great innerwear. Now..what's the point of paying like close to $100 for a few strips of teensy cloth (it
has to be teensy and sheer and lacy and useless to be sexy. What were you thinking?!) that next to nobody will see? Paying $100 per set is ridiculous if its just to make your boyfriend drool. Now...why do u need to make him drool since he's
already yours? hahaha.
Okay..maybe to make him
stay yours...but then again, there exist a whole range of other tricks you could use...anyway, i digress.
So really, what's the point?
After contemplating it abit..
here are my unabashedly honest reasons for buying useless and expensive underwear.1) I don't ever want to zao geng and show the world grandmother knickers. As if zao genging isn't bad enough, to have someone go "eeee, so ah ma!" will just make it all the worse. So, if im going to expose myself (accidentally, of course!), i must at least do so with some finesse. The reaction of spectators must go something like this : "yikes! only an idiot would trip...but ooh! Nice buns!" Wahahaha.2)
Seduction. Seduction. Seduction. Need I say more? Better yet, make an army faint due to excessive nosebleeds. In case me and my bf become history, i will still have an army to fall back on. Hee!~ Excessive attention is always better than no attention. Haha!
3) To make myself feel good. I guess splurging lots of money on useless stuff is the whole point of retail therapy anyway.
4) Underwear is just pretty. Period.
5) Helps to create mood for rendevous! Hee!~ A peek of lacy could do wonders.
6) Makes me look good. Yes, im vain. So what?
7) Oh..and it always helps to wear nice innerwear...especially if you're single. You'd never know when it may come into handy. Ahem. *wink wink*
But in my case, I buy lingerie for me. And only me. ;p Besides, guys have this stupid concept of what's sexy anyway. My stupid old boyfriend just can't appreciate it anyway. When i feel sexy, i am sexy. Woo hoo!!!!
Okay. That's about it. Yes, all my reasons are shallow and bimbotic. *bleah* What's yours? :D
P/s: For the uninitiated, the website for VS is
http://www2.victoriassecret.com/ . Do visit this site if you're looking for a nosebleed (hahaha!)...or least wander around. Let me know if u ever wanna share shipping! I'm for it, anytime. :)
XxX,
audrey at 20:17
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
getting lost in lil' old S'pore
My my...i can now officially declare myself as
the road idiot. (read: lu chi). Decided that i really really really had to eat pig trotters for dinner today..and in my humble opinion, balestier serves great pig legs! Haha..really yummy. Anyway, the steaming trotters were enough to entice me to go borrow my mom's car, pick eveleen up at Choa Chu Kang and drive all the way to balestier to meet esther and have dinner there.
Anyhow..we (me and eve) couldn't figure out how to get from CCK to the CTE (anyone?? So i wun make the same mistake twice!!!). All i knew was that i
had to get on the CTE so i could exit at Moulmein so I could get at my pig trotters. Yet..me and eve travelled along bukit timah road for quite a while trying to find some way to get to the CTE before ending up at toa payoh (we circled the bedamned central like at least 3 times)..After several long and confusing conversations (plus many
wrong turns, U-turns, curses, being horned at, and escaping death by collision several times) with people who were supposed to be able to help..we finally made it back to the PIE..which was still not where we wanted to be. Anyhow..after burning petrol like crazy..we finally discovered that to get to Balestier via the PIE is
possible *ting! Revelation!* You just need to exit at Upper Serangoon Road (via the PIE), which will easily (and most straightforwardly too, if i may add) bring you to the CTE where you'll be able to exit at Moulmien. There. So simple.Now why couldn't anyone have just told me that? Hai.
XxX,
audrey at 00:55
Sunday, April 10, 2005
ppl change
Met up with my childhood friend today for a while at my religious meeting this morning. Well...she looked really good...well...if ur idea of good corresponds with mine that is..which is basically cosmopolitian and made up. Haha. And I totally disagree with the idea that beauty is skin deep and going natural is best. Bullshit. Nobody wakes up looking like a million bucks. Well...not me anyway. Haah! Not even the model types okay?! :P
I digress.
So, this childhood friend of mine used to be quite...shall we say, materially challenged (ooh, im so politically correct today!). So she used to hunt around thrift shops and This! Fashion when she was younger. Today she's all branded, baby. And she now refuses to buy anything from This! Fashion..
she says that its embarassing to be recognized on the street wearing cheap clothes. What the fuck?! Hmm..and this reminds me of the Star5 episode as well. Interesting. So... money and power really does change everything.
Which also brings me to the following point. If it is embarassing to wear clothes from This! Fashion based on the premise that they are cheap and are mass produced, wouldn't it follow that one should never be caught dead shopping in HK and Thai night markets and shopping streets? I mean, the clothes there are even cheaper. The quality far worse. No air-con. And most shops don't even have a decent changing room. Like heloo...?
Cheap = bad? Geez. I say dressing in all designer is plain stupid. Why pay like $70 for a pair of capris when u can get one at $20. Argh. And not all designer wear is good quality. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
I hate new money. And I hate people riding off new money even more. Why cant people stay the same? Why's there so much societal pressure to conform? How come so many of my friends are different now? Am i left behind? Or am i different too?
XxX,
audrey at 18:35
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
be cool
just watched "be cool". It's really good. The wit's really quite dry and not ur usual slapstick, brainless trailer trash...and there are plenty of cameos. It's a fun show to watch. Hmz..i realize that im being quite the snob here. *sniff sniff*
Well...i'm well rested and i've more or less completed my projects for my finale sem. Just 1 1/2 weeks more before the start of my exams...then it's home free for me. As in, finally.
Sigh.
I really don't know what to do with my life. Which is very sad. And pathetic. Worst thing is, nobody can help me. I just realised that i've just been going through the motions..and don't know what i want to do..what i want to be. Previously everything was charted out for me...finish PSLE, go do O's and then A's and then Uni. Wow. I spent like at least 1/4 of my life doing things that i didn't really want to do...and didn't know why i was doing it.
So now that nobody is there to tell me what to do anymore...i really don't know what to do with myself. Really sad...but true.
Anyway, now that i'm officially stuck at home (can't go out, otherwise will suffer from severe guilt attack)...i've become quite introspective. I've been wondering...do i perceive myself the way other perceive me.
Why do people do what they do? Sometimes when i hang out with certain people, i can't help but wonder why do they do and say such insensitive things. And i always wonder to myself if they know (or at the very least, wonder) how their actions and comments are taken and viewed by others. How can some people be so free to say stupid callous things...and how can some others do some really dumb looking stunt to make others laugh? Some people choose to tell themselves that they are answerable only to themselves...and so they needn't care about what others think. Yet, i believe quite the contrary. We all want acceptance and i really believe we all care what others think of us. If you truly only did what you wanted to do...you'd find yourself really quite lonely. Which is what i am feeling
now.
i find it strange myself that i feel lonely. It's certainly not because i am lacking in friends. But i really do feel quite alone. Now...why is that? How can i have so many friends but still feel so utterly alone? Like nobody likes me for me. Think i need some validation here.
XxX,
audrey at 20:51
It's nearly over
Wow. I never fail to impress myself. Firstly, i thought my submission dateline for my term paper was on friday...only to realise in class that it was supposed to be yday 12 midnight. Needless to say, i had not started on it. So..i had to start writing it the minute i got home yday. And guess what? Im proud to announce that i managed to smoke my way through 15 pages of intellectual property.
Nothing much. just wanted to declare to the world that becuz of all the mental exertion..i am now brain dead.
XxX,
audrey at 15:38
Friday, April 01, 2005
A marvelous day
Hi. What can i say? Today was simply a marvelous day. Why? Well, firstly..although i woke up super late for school ( i woke up at 9.20am when my class starts at 10am), i managed to cheong out of my house in 10 minutes, survive someone stealing my cab and only arrive 10mins late for class. Fantastic ya? Oh, and did i mentioned that i waited like 15-20mins for a cab?! Considering that i stay in woodlands and my school is in clementi, i was only a mere 10mins late. Simply amazing. I never knew i could move that fast. Haha.
Hmm..and i managed to get my eyebrows done too. And it was an ad hoc decision. Since when have i become so decisive? Amazing. Anyway, I have
finally done my eyebrow embroidary. Yeah! Unfortunately, my brows need some time to fade out...so i keep thinking that i still got makeup on. For now. Haha.
Hmm..and now i understand why guys always say that putting a tattoo is really painful and why girls usually hold a contrary opinion. If u ask me, i would say it doesn't really hurt thaaaat much to get a tattoo done..although i wouldn't say it is exactly an ant bite either. In my opinion, putting
a tattoo is like getting a brazilian wax done. Painful but really quite endurable. Obviously no self-respecting heterosexual male would ever get a brazilian wax...neither would they pluck their eyebrows...nor stand all day in pointy stillettos. Haha. But now that i mention it...why don't guys wax themselves down there? Considering all the hooha that they make about ladies being hairless. Bah.
Blooming double standards.I also finally bought something off the internet...courtesy of Dawn, of course. A sexy Abercrombie spag top. I finally have joined the cool people who buy stuff off the net. Hah.
Hmm...all in all, it's been a great day.
XxX,
audrey at 01:22