Thursday, April 05, 2007

To be an adult is to be alone.

Read somewhere someone was worried about becoming someone who couldn't get along with anybody.
Made me think about me.

I wonder, is that how people see me too?
Don't bother, I do not care to know.

Sometimes, I wonder to myself, who are the people that I would actually like to meet. That I will supposedly "get along with". What does it mean to "get along with" anyway?

Does "getting along" equate to being firm friends? Or merely people you can have lunch with and talk civilly to?

But first, which is preferable to you? Numerous and widespread weak links or a few strong links and many weak links?

I know i used to crave popularity and attention when I was younger. So, it meant going with the flow of things, going along with the crowd even if it meant that I didn't like what the crowd was doing. You need to tow the line if you want to be accepted. You need to care how others look at you and judge you if you want to be part of the in-group. You need to put others before yourself even if you don't want to.

Then, somehow, suddenly I realized - I didn't like what the in-group was doing. Like what Suzanne Gordon said in Lonely in America, to be alone is to be different, to be different is to be alone.

I think, I simply grew up. I realized that I do not need the approval of others to do what I like, think what I like, feel what I like. I especially do not need the approval of my aquaintences since they are not going to entertain my sob story calls at 4am anyway. I've stopped trying to make people who dislike me, like me. I have also stopped trying to like people that I obviously dislike. For such folk, the further they are from me, the better. I have found that they are usually not quite worth the effort.

Hard to get along with? Maybe. Picky? Maybe. Angry? Definitely.

But you know, despite being hard to get along, picky, angry, fussy, bitchy and full of complaints, I realize that the people that surround me (though few) are really the gems. Because they took the time to know me and like me for me. Not the me that was pandering to them for the sake of an audience. But me. I do not need to apologise for being me. I appreciate that.

And I sure as hell am glad that I have gems for friends, rather than many grains of aquaintences.

XxX,

audrey at 00:04

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