Monday, August 01, 2005

time to breathe...

Isn't it interesting how one's old life can appear to melt away with the appearance of a new person?

Wasn't it just yesterday that I was complaining of being neglected, unloved, uncared for and totally freaking bored? How is it that I find that I don't even have the time to breathe now? Anyway, now that i have some private time...

Was just having some toilet-bowl thoughts (so pardon me if these thoughts seem inane, illogical and stupid. They are, as i said, toilet-bowl thoughts.) and i realised that i appear to have no concrete goals or aims or wishes in life. For some, it's to marry rich. For others, it's to strike out a successful career. And then there are those who are just looking for the love of their life. The list goes on.

Me? I really don't care. My life can go either way. I am sure I can make myself happy, one way or the other.

Please don't mistake me for a bummer. I am not. It's just that it seems as if a person's success is judged by how much others admire (actually, envy would be a more apt term) him/her. Which i happen to think is wrong. So I don't really care what happens and how far i get in life or if i am admired and envied...so long I, the most important person in my life, am happy.

Doesn't matter if I have a good degree from a world-ranked (but honestly shitty and over-rated University in my humble opinion) University...I really wouldn't quite mind being a housewife..stuck in a dingy flat with a kid (provided I really find that one, PERFECT man. But we all know that's impossible. I'm not perfect so even if there was a perfect man, why would he pick me, the imperfect woman?). Neither would i mind being stuck in the office 'til 2am, being the ultimate corporate bitch and stockpiling cash. Hmm..being a tai-tai would also be a good option. Even the idea of suddenly dropping dead isn't all that unappealing actually.

Earning piles and piles of cash sounds like a damned good idea but does it matter? Having ideals and firm morals is admirable..but then again do such things really really matter? Does it really matter to anyone who you are and where you get in life?

Who really fucking cares how much money you earn, how much you have or how high you are on the ladder? And so what if you really are right? What's it to me if you sleep around? Or if you lie, cheat and steal?

I sure freaking don't give a damn. It does nothing for me. You are you and I am me. And so, i not impressed. So what is it to you then? Shouldn't it be nothing?

So why do people use the admiration, envy and approval of others as a gauge of their success and happiness?

Isn't it more important that they themselves are happy with themselves?


The comments of nobodies are like the falling leaves of trees.

Irritating but perfectly harmless and totally useless.

Sure, they are annoying but do i really want to waste my time to correct every misconception and every small wrong done to me? That said, I guess pretty much don't care much about that many people. If i cared, I'd be all riled up when something unjust was said. But most of the time, I prefer to let sleeping dogs lie. Afterall, I don't need you to make me happy.


I already am.

So really, why bother?

XxX,

audrey at 22:47

0 lamb droppings