Tuesday, April 05, 2005

be cool

just watched "be cool". It's really good. The wit's really quite dry and not ur usual slapstick, brainless trailer trash...and there are plenty of cameos. It's a fun show to watch. Hmz..i realize that im being quite the snob here. *sniff sniff*

Well...i'm well rested and i've more or less completed my projects for my finale sem. Just 1 1/2 weeks more before the start of my exams...then it's home free for me. As in, finally.

Sigh. I really don't know what to do with my life. Which is very sad. And pathetic. Worst thing is, nobody can help me. I just realised that i've just been going through the motions..and don't know what i want to do..what i want to be. Previously everything was charted out for me...finish PSLE, go do O's and then A's and then Uni. Wow. I spent like at least 1/4 of my life doing things that i didn't really want to do...and didn't know why i was doing it. So now that nobody is there to tell me what to do anymore...i really don't know what to do with myself. Really sad...but true.

Anyway, now that i'm officially stuck at home (can't go out, otherwise will suffer from severe guilt attack)...i've become quite introspective. I've been wondering...do i perceive myself the way other perceive me.

Why do people do what they do? Sometimes when i hang out with certain people, i can't help but wonder why do they do and say such insensitive things. And i always wonder to myself if they know (or at the very least, wonder) how their actions and comments are taken and viewed by others. How can some people be so free to say stupid callous things...and how can some others do some really dumb looking stunt to make others laugh? Some people choose to tell themselves that they are answerable only to themselves...and so they needn't care about what others think. Yet, i believe quite the contrary. We all want acceptance and i really believe we all care what others think of us. If you truly only did what you wanted to do...you'd find yourself really quite lonely. Which is what i am feeling now.

i find it strange myself that i feel lonely. It's certainly not because i am lacking in friends. But i really do feel quite alone. Now...why is that? How can i have so many friends but still feel so utterly alone? Like nobody likes me for me. Think i need some validation here.

XxX,

audrey at 20:51

1 lamb droppings