Wednesday, May 14, 2003

hi everyone,

Just to update you guys, i have to retake my prac. 1 again. ahahaha...it'll be my fourth time but i don't mind. I guess i am a slow learner. It was raining when i had my lesson today but surprisingly, i felt more "on form" than on other days. ahaha, oh well. I was supposed to go on the outer circuit (which was totally fine) and was also supposed to complete my cones thing. I just couldn't quite zig zag my way through the damn cones. I mowed down quite a few cones on the way but hey, they're just cones lor. :) My next lesson is on friday and i am determined to pass this time round. Yeah! Oh, i think i've made a vast improvement cuz i didn't drop my bike at ALL today. Good yah? Finally. :)))))))))))))

The bad news is that i think i have finally lost the person i treasure most today. Isn't it ironic that when u do bad things, nothing happens but when u finally decide to change for the good, everything falls apart? Is this what they call retribution? I think it's a little delayed if you ask me. Maybe it is for the best because i also think the distance between me and him is growing wider day by day. If he has really found someone else who can make him happy (or not make him unhappy) i guess that'll be good enough for me. Its real difficult you know.

I wish i had more pride. If i had more pride, i would just take the rejection and leave. While my pride is wounded, its not wounded enough that i am real mad and can just throw everything aside and start anew somewhere else. Maybe i would have been able to do that a few years back but i really find it so difficult to let go. While everyone is saying that it is time to let go, i just cant. I keep thinking about the times we spent together in the past and that makes me really sad. There's this really old song by Jordan Chan "Wo ai de ren" which kinda epitomizes how i feel now. Sigh.

I wonder what is he thinking right now? Why do i feel so sad when i don't even know if i love him? Do you think he feels the same too? Should we use our head or heart to guide what we do?

Hey people, do something to cheer me up and/or comfort me lei. I need some major distractions man.......

XxX,

audrey at 00:28

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