Monday, April 14, 2003
helo!
Its been a while since i last wrote in here but i had been busy preparing for my term-end exams. Actually, my term exams have not begun. In fact, they are going to being in exactly a week's time. (for the really interested, they start on the 21st). I am supposed to be
sleeping
right now but because (i think) to the tremendously amount of stress i am experiencing now (ok, so its my fault for snowballing everything to the last minute, but hey! i reali couldn't help myself y'know...yah right! hehe..), i CANT GET TO SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, that felt a little bit better. Its like 1.40am right now and i have a 10am class tomorrow (exam tips preparation class at that) and i have to crawl up at 8am latest and i CANT GET TO SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sorry, i have to keep doing that but suffering from "stress insomia" is really bad.)
AND i got MOZZIE BITES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Great. Just great. Hey, wait! im supposed to stop whining (according to my last weblog entry) so okay, i'll look on the bright side. I can write a really long weblog that will ultimately bore me (and you, the reader) to sleep. hah!
Okay, i was lying on my bed, trying to sleep but i couldn't and thoughts just popped themselves into my head. I hate the fact that you cant control your thoughts. I mean, you can control nearly anything (a loose term of speech, of course) but you cant stop yourself from thinking about something. In fact, the more you try not to think about it, the more persistent and naggy the thought becomes. The fact that you are trying not to think about it shows that you are already thinking about it. Annoying isn't it?
Personally, i think there are 3 options:
1. Think of something else. Preferably happy. (usually doesn't work unless your other thought is supremely happy)
2. Face your irritating thought head-on. Reason it out.
3. Do something about that irritating thought. Act on it.
So how does all this "thought" thing fit into this weblog? Well, i had LOTS of irritating thoughts while i was lying on my bed just now, and i tried method 1. Didn't work. In fact, it created more irritating thoughts. So i proceeded to method 2. Worked only 50%. I got confused halfway and couldn't remember what i had thought earlier and kept going round in circles, repeating the same points in my head. Eventually, i came to number 3. I can trash out all my nonsense thoughts here. And guess what? You get to read them! :)
IRRITATING THOUGHT 1
I've been wondering for quite a while whether or not to do this and decided (while lying on my bed trying out method 2) that i should. Although this goes against what i said previously about privacy and all that, but i really don't quite care at this point of time because...well...............i'll use pseudonyms.
Essentially, im just pissed because a certain someone by the name of, say, Glenn owes me money ( anywhere between $400-$600, SING dollar, mind you!) and refuses point blank to service his debt. I am mad because i lent him the cash out of goodwill and trust. And naturally, (as all bad B grade movies go) he violated our verbal contract of him returning me the cash in full. You may say that i was asking for it because i shouldn't have believed that nasty bugger's assurances and should have kept all the receipts, but looks can be
reali
deceiving. Of course everyone knows that one should never judge a book by its cover, but being the sucker that i was, i fell for it. He acted so much like the poor emotionally abused kid whose rich parents refused to pay for his education and betterment. Now i know. A little late, but well, i don't think i'll fall for the same trick twice and well, i think that's good enough for me. Actually, what i wanted to do was to publish
all his misdeeds online so he and his gross mom (yes, i hate his bitch of a mother too. BITCH!!!) can read it and get really hoping mad but changed my mind after i typed all of the above. I think that if he ever
comes by this weblog and reads this, he should seriously do some soul searching and ask himself whether he is really the gent. he professes to the world to be.
Ah well, no use crying over spilt milk. I'm trying to let this episode be a "bygone" in my life (u know the saying "Let bygones be bygones"?) but its kinda hard. Hehe, i keep hoping the money will turn up. Can't help it. I kinda reali miss my few hundred bucks. Oh well, on with irritating thought no. 2....
IRRITATING THOUGHT NUMBER 2
I need to apologise to a certain someone for being mad at him while i shouldn't have. The problem is, i can't apologise to this person because i promised another significant person that i wouldn't contact this person again. So i'll just do it here. Pardon me if this doesn't make sense to the uninitiated. Here goes...
I'll admit i am sorry because i know i didn't really have a basis to be really mad. And i am sorry too because, well, i left without a good explanation. I think i do owe you at least this much. After thinking about it some, (and Time aiding as a coolant for my temper) i think that you're much better in this current situation/arrangement than in your previous one. I realise that i shouldn't have been mad because i didn't have the right to be mad and was mad at the wrong person for the wrong reasons. Essentially, I should have been mad at myself but well, you were the convenient hitting post. I guess i still have to learn that i can be wrong. I think anyone (apart from those who have achieved sainthood) would have done what you did and wouldn't have been able to stop themselves from blurting stuff out unintentionally or otherwise. Im sorry for judging you so harshly because i believe that i have been guilty of the same things i accused you of, sometime before and will be again in the future. In anycase, i too would like to take this opportunity to wish you good luck and best wishes.
Alrighty...i got that out of my system. Argh.......its 2.30am!!!! and im still perky. this is so great. i think i had better lie on my bed again and try to get to Zzzland one more time. If i really cant make it, i guess i'll either come back here and bombard this space with more irritating thoughts, or i'll hit the books. Hmm...actually, i think i should have just hit the books just now instead of coming here and dumping a tirade of thoughts on you..hmm.........
Anyway, good nitez..and...see u after my exams (they end on 2nd may, yay!). Please pray i dun come back here before they're over. tata!
XxX,
audrey at 02:35